Jamie Dimon Just Wants Big And Small Banks To Get Along, Which Is Why He Called A Community Rep A 'Jerk' On Live TV

What? Too much?

Author:: Bess Levin
Updated:: Jan 14, 2019
Original:: May 11, 2016

Last month, JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon wrote an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal, urging large banks and small to put aside their differences and get along for the greater banking good, and realize that actually, they're not so different. At least one representative of a li'l bank, Camden Fine, didn't like that idea, and told Dimon as much (via Bloomberg), claiming that Dimon's motives were "...just an attempt to link the interests of mega banks to community banks in order to mitigate the political heat that is on them right now. CEO’s of all the too-big-to-fail banks are clearly worried about the political climate."

Did Dimon take the opportunity to try and appeal to Fine in other ways, like, say, sending an Edible Arrangement for everyone at the Independent Community Bankers of America to enjoy, or springing for a popcorn of the month club? Not exactly.

Speaking on CNBC Wednesday, this was what Dimon had to say about Fine. "I think the guy who wrote that is a jerk," Dimon said in a phone interview. Dimon urged for an end to "bank on bank violence."

You hear that, bozo? Be nice!

Jamie Dimon calls community banker 'a jerk' [CNN Money]

Related (--ish): Dimon Calls Pandit A Jerk

The LL Cool J of his time.

They can cast votes based on what proxy firms tell them to do or they can use their own f*ckin' brains for once in their worthless lives.

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"Don't pretend like we're friends...You don't KNOW us."

The past couple of weeks, some might argue, have been the worst of Jamie Dimon's professional career. Although being fired by Sandy Weill in 1998 was obviously a distressing time in Dimon's life, a JPMorgan trader's multi-billion dollar (and counting) loss appears to be even more painful for the CEO, who now has a reputation (and a title: "America's Least Hated Banker") to defend. While it's unlikely that the blunder will cost him his job, every article written questioning Dimon's judgment, suggesting that he is in fact fallible, and wondering aloud if he is simply a pretty face (that is about to get the regulation it has vociferously argued against rammed down its throat) clearly hurts. So far, Dimon has chosen to frame the situation, at least publicly, as a group fuck-up, one for which the responsibility is shared among himself, The Whale, The Whale's bosses, and The Whale's bosses' bosses. Over the weekend, though, a heretofore unmentioned character, whose actions set in motion the events that served to tarnish JD's halo, was added to story. And now, Dimon has a place to channel his anger: on a bloodsucking vermin whose days are numbered. Ever since JPMorgan Chase disclosed a multibillion-dollar trading loss this month, the central mystery has been how a bank known for its skill at risk management could err so badly. As early as 2010, the senior banker who has been blamed for the debacle, Ina Drew, began to lose her grip on the bank’s chief investment office, according to current and former traders. She had guided the bank through some of the most rugged moments of the 2008 financial crisis, earning the trust of Jamie Dimon, JPMorgan’s chief executive, in the process. But after contracting Lyme disease in 2010, she was frequently out of the office for a critical period, when her unit was making riskier bets, and her absences allowed long-simmering internal divisions and clashing egos to come to the fore, the traders said. The morning conference calls Ms. Drew had presided over devolved into shouting matches between her deputies in New York and London, the traders said. That discord in 2010 and 2011 contributed to the chief investment office’s losing trades in 2012, the current and former bankers said. “When Ina was there, things ran smoothly,” one former trader there said. But Ms. Drew’s firm hand began to weaken after she contracted Lyme disease. Her absences opened the door for tensions among her deputies to flare into the open...Most significant, her deputy in New York was increasingly at loggerheads with her deputy in London who spearheaded the strategy behind the losing bet, Achilles Macris, the current and former traders said. But there was only so much she could do when she was away. So, first off, the tick that bit Drew is a dead man (though probably a woman, as "the female adult is usually the one causing the most bites as males usually die after mating"). If people thought Dimon was mad after being informed of the losses, just wait. He's going to find that bitch tick and shoot her with a cannon. Next, it's time to put some safeguards in place to protect his bank from anymore "surprises." Effective immediately, JPMorgan employees are banned from venturing into the forest, for any reason whatsoever. Same goes for grasslands, marshes, and anywhere tall grass grows. Anyone planning on prancing through the meadows in slow motion to meet up with and embrace a loved one in some kind of romantic gesture can forget it. The JMPorgan Outdoor Club is officially disband. Contact with children who are cub scouts is forbidden. Any girl scouts who attempt to set foot on the premises in order to sell cookies will be shot on sight. (These people are breeding grounds for ticks, what with their expeditions into the woods for merit badges and whatnot. He's going first derivative here, while at the same time trying to not enact mandates that make him look ridiculous.) Discord at Key JPMorgan Unit Is Faulted in Loss [NYT]

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Resist if you like, but sooner or later, y'all will come around.

The JP Morgan chief is worried the senator is missing some key points.

Apparently Glass Lewis and ISS would just loooove to create a little drama at 270 Park.

Brian Moynihan brought up the rear, but it was with $16 million, so he'll be okay.