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Opening Bell: 5.2.16

Warren Buffett trashes Valeant, hedge fund fees; Marissa Mayer gets $55 million if ousted; Now You Can Get Pizza In A Pizza Box Made Out Of Pizza; and more.
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Warren Buffett Assails Valeant as ‘Enormously Flawed’ (WSJ)
Warren Buffett offered his assessment of Valeant Pharmaceuticals International Inc., calling the troubled drug company’s business model “enormously flawed.” The Berkshire Hathaway Inc. chief executive was responding during the company’s annual meeting Saturday to a shareholder question about a mutual fund he has ties to that made a large bet on Valeant.

Buffett Says Hedge Funds Get 'Unbelievable' Fees for Bad Results (Bloomberg)
“There’s been far, far, far more money made by people in Wall Street through salesmanship abilities than through investment abilities,” Buffett said Saturday during Berkshire’s annual meeting in Omaha, Nebraska. Hedge funds traditionally charge a management fee that’s 2 percent of assets, plus 20 percent on any profits. That’s “a compensation scheme that is unbelievable to me,” Buffett said. He added that some pension funds have disregarded his advice, and gone ahead and hired consultants.

Coke criticisms are one-sided, 'immature and stupid': Berkshire's Munger (CNBC)
Charlie Munger, the vice-chairman of Warren Buffett's Berkshire Hathaway, had some harsh words for people over-preaching about the health risks of drinking too much Coke. The soft drink giant, along with others in the sector, has taken incoming fire from nutrition advocates concerned about the health impact of sugary drinks and fatty foods. Notably, an effort to ban soft drinks of a certain size in New York City failed in 2014, after a state court declined to renew the limit instituted by former NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg. "We ought to have a law ... where these people shouldn't be allowed to cite the defects without citing the advantage. It's immature and stupid," Munger said Saturday at Berkshire's annual shareholders meeting.

Big Severance for Marissa Mayer if Ousted From Yahoo After a Sale (Dealbook)
Yahoo’s chief executive, Marissa Mayer, will walk away with a $55 million severance package if the company’s auction of its Internet operations culminates in a sale that ousts her from her job. The payout, which was disclosed in a regulatory filing on Friday with the Securities and Exchange Commission, would consist of cash, stock awards and other benefits if she is forced out within a year after a sale.

11-year-old boy makes home invader ‘cry like a baby’ (NYP)
Youngster Chris Gaither was just chilling at home with his dogs when he heard a suspicious noise on the second floor of his Talladega, AL, home, he told NBC affiliate WVTM-TV. Gaither grabbed a knife and went to investigate, but when the intruder saw the blade he pulled a gun. “He was coming down the stairs, that’s when he told me he was going to kill me, f-you and all that,” the boy told the station. Unfazed, Gaither grabbed a nearby .9mm handgun, and threatening to kill the man if he didn’t scram. “I guess when I pulled the gun out on him, he didn’t think it was a real gun, cause he didn’t worry about it,” the boy said. “He just kept on walking.” Once the thief was outside, lugging a hamper full of stolen loot, the 11-year-old emptied the magazine — firing 12 shots before the intruder had even made it to the edge of the yard. The final shot pierced the man’s leg, as he was attempting to scale the fence. “I shot through the hamper he was carrying,” Gaither told WVTM-TV. “It was a full metal jacket bullet. It went straight through the back of his leg. He started crying like a little baby.” The unidentified man was taken to a local hospital with non-life threatening injuries. Gaither described the the man as a “meth-head,” who had robbed his home before. “I hope you learned your lesson from coming to this house trying to steal stuff,” Gaither warned.

Puerto Rico Will Default on Government Development Bank Debt (Bloomberg)
Puerto Rico will default on a $422 million bond payment for its Government Development Bank, escalating what is turning into the biggest crisis ever in the $3.7 trillion market that state and local entities use to access financing.

One Top Taxpayer Moved, and New Jersey Shuddered (Dealbook)
The New Jersey resident (unnamed by Mr. Haines) is the hedge-fund billionaire David Tepper. In December, Mr. Tepper declared himself a resident of Florida after living for over 20 years in New Jersey. He later moved the official headquarters of his hedge fund, Appaloosa Management, to Miami. New Jersey won’t say exactly how much Mr. Tepper paid in taxes. But according to Institutional Investor’s Alpha, he earned more than $6 billion from 2012 to 2015. Tax experts say his move to Florida could cost New Jersey — which has a top tax rate of 8.97 percent — hundreds of millions of dollars in lost payments.

FCA sees issues in Deutsche Bank controls over financial crimes, FT reports (Reuters)
Deutsche Bank (DBKGn.DE) has "serious" and "systemic" failings in its controls against money laundering, terrorist financing and sanctions, according to a confidential letter by the UK's financial regulatory agency, the Financial Times reported. The watchdog agency, the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA), has now ordered a separate independent review, the FT reported the letter as saying. The FCA declined to comment.

Now You Can Get Pizza In A Pizza Box Made Out Of Pizza (HP)
They’re clunky. Cardboard feels terrible on your fingers. And when you’re finished with your pizza, you can’t reuse the box for anything because it’s covered in disgusting grease. It just sits by your door attracting bugs until you can work up the motivation to drag out it to the trash, since the grease and cheese stains typically render them non-recyclable...No more. Brooklyn pizza joint Vinnie’s Pizzeria has solved this plethora of problems by creating a pizza box that’s made out of pizza. The whole shebang will run you $40, but hey, it’s also a lot more pizza than just a pizza.


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Opening Bell: 2.27.17

Warren Buffett wrote a thing; Silicon Valley is foisting creativity on everyone; getting hit in the balls is an art form; and more.

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Opening Bell: 4.4.17

Tech CEOs are ruining shareholding; how Mexican civil servants pulled off a $5 billion oil deal; get a taste of Warren Buffett; and more.

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Opening Bell: 3.10.17

Hedge funds descend on Mar a Lago; Warren Buffett gets schooled; the CIA has a dank meme division; and more.

Opening Bell: 3.2.15

Warren Buffett hates investment bankers, loves Ajit Jain and Greg Abel; Citi CEO might get to keep his job, might not; Dennis Kozlowski is a free man; Wall Street burger club; Cap'n Crunch Donut Holes; AND MORE.

Opening Bell: 3.26.15

3G, the company orchestrating the Kraft/Heinz merger with Warren Buffett, makes employees "get permission to make color photocopies"; Greece is still screwed; Dov Charney is being investigated by the SEC; "I Drank So Much Soda as a Child That My Veins Collapsed"; and more.

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Opening Bell: 6.22.17

Warren Buffett comes to the rescue up north; Bill Ackman has a glimmer in his eye; the future of cycling is (literally) shit; and more.

Opening Bell: 01.04.16

Marissa Mayer v Yahoo investors; Fed's Fischer supports higher rates; Women gaining in billionaires club; "This Guy Gets His Back Hair Shaved Into Works Of Art"; and more.


Opening Bell: 8.30.17

Goldman Sachs wants to boost trading by tearing down Chinese walls; Warren Buffett leans into BofA stake; map app tries to kill biker by sending him into Lincoln Tunnel; and more.