Ex-NY Giant accused of running Ponzi scheme; Wall Street wary of Rand Paul; Starting a business is hard; "Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson Eats About 821 Pounds Of Cod Per Year"; and more.

$$$ Spain's Unemployment Jumps, Deepening Crisis [WSJ] $$$ "... the McClendon-[X] deal raises a number of concerns, some analysts said," for any X [Reuters, earlier] $$$ "Being violation-free alone does not guarantee that a public company or registered entity will not face the wrath of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission Division of Enforcement, its director, Robert Khuzami, told Thomson Reuters Tuesday." Good to keep 'em guessing. [Reuters] $$$ How to Leak to Gawker Without (Hopefully) Getting Caught, usefulness not limited to Gawker [Gawker] $$$ Who Was the Third Person in Bret Easton Ellis and Rielle Hunter’s (Aborted) Cocaine-Induced Threesome? [NYO] $$$ BNP Paribas would like to find an emerging markets equities analyst for its Boston office, if you know anyone [DBCC] $$$ Forget Bailouts, European Banks Needs Bail-Ins: Fitch [CNBC] $$$ After Quiet Years, British Regulator Gets Tough on Abuses [DealBook] $$$ Lazard profit drops on costs, but still beats Street [Reuters] $$$ Kyle Bass' Japan short gets the B-school case study treatment [AR-Alpha] $$$ Banks to Meet With Fed on Derivatives Rule [WSJ] $$$ Paul Ryan Suddenly Decides He Hates Ayn Rand [DI]

$$$ Fed Proposes Broad Guidelines for Foreign Banks [WSJ] $$$ UBS Libor Pact Said to Include Charges Against Bankers [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC has examined Bank of America mortgage repurchases [Reuters] $$$ China investors grow angry at mud-slinging [FT] $$$ VIDEO: "Big Write-Offs Will Inspire You," Top AIG Exec Raps About Bailout [MoJo] $$$ Best Buy Gives Founder More Time to Make a Bid [DealBook] $$$ Apple Falls as UBS Projects Growth Slowdown [Bloomberg] $$$ This is a story about conversion-free contingent convertible notes [Euromoney] $$$ This is a story about an ad hoc group of sewer warrant holders [Bloomberg] $$$ "There's also the fear that admissions officers could develop Sandy fatigue. 'That's the risk, that everyone from New Jersey or New York is going to be writing about Sandy,' said Nicole Oringer, a private admissions counselor." [WSJ]

$$$ JPMorgan Said To Face Escalating Senate Probe Of CIO Loss [Bloomberg] $$$ J.P. Morgan Names New Chief Investment Officer [Deal Journal] $$$ Banks now like to do quarterly calls with bondholders [WSJ] $$$ Some people still like big banks [Bloomberg] $$$ FINRA is suing a test-prep firm for taking Series 7, etc., exams 64 times, failing 52 of those times, and memorizing the questions to tell their students [Reuters; the complaint is also amusing] $$$ [Harvard] Economics concentrator Ali E. Evans ’13 received his [Harvard Business School] acceptance email on Wednesday while sitting in class next to his roommates. He said he celebrated silently and texted his parents. Evans said he has visited classes at the Business School with his tutors at Kirkland House since sophomore year. "Leading my own company one day is definitely a goal of mine, and so business school definitely fits in with that plan," he said. [Crimson] $$$ Pimco is looking for a diversity & inclusion coordinator in Newport Beach [DBCC] $$$ Qatar Imperils Big Merger of Commodity Companies [DealBook] $$$ There's a new Kindle Fire and it's cheaper [WSJ] $$$ Citigroup, Goldman, UBS Sued Over Mortgage-Backed Bonds [Bloomberg] $$$ Goldman must face mortgage debt claims - 2nd Circuit [Reuters] $$$ European political leader says "Some fans of group sex say that it’s better than one-on-one because, as with any collective work, you can skive off," is not Silvio Berlusconi [Telegraph]

$$$ Foreclosure Settlement Amounts to Peanuts for Most Borrowers [AB] $$$ FBI probes trading as KPMG quits as Herbalife, Skechers auditor [Reuters] $$$ Big Dell Shareholder Prefers Two Rival Bids [DealBook] $$$ Ackman may be eyeing exit as JC Penney bet in tatters [Reuters] $$$ The leverage story banks want to hide [FT] $$$ DirecTV Adds DogTV Channel to Appeal to Canine Audience [Bloomberg] $$$ Regulators Are Concerned About Municipal-Bond Deals [WSJ] $$$ Activist Investors Find Allies in Mutual, Pension Funds [CNBC] $$$ Pimco's Gross Turns Positive on 10-Year Treasurys [WSJ] $$$ Swap traders’ morning fix under scrutiny [FT] $$$ Former Vice Mayor of Tennessee Town Accused of Terrorizing Dozens of Women with ‘Drive-By Masturbation’ [Gawker]

$$$ Schaeuble Declares Markets Wrong As Europe Heads To Vacation [Bloomberg] $$$ Don't Force Banks Into 'Draconian' Breakups: Whitney [CNBC] $$$ Morgan Stanley Stock May Be Worth $32 In Breakup, Mayo Says [Bloomberg] $$$ The Merkley plan to refinance underwater mortgages sounds pretty good [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ Outspoken Analyst Kinnucan Pleads Guilty in Insider Case [WSJ] $$$ Man who rescued a 17-pound lobster "felt the nearly 100-year-old crustacean did not deserve to die with its parts soaked in butter. 'If he was 100, he saw World War I, World War II, man on the moon,' he said. 'Being in New England, he even saw the Red Sox win the World Series. So, he didn’t deserve the boiling water.'" [CBS] $$$ Due to recent regulatory requirements, a top bank in Charlotte is looking for a counterparty credit risk manager to be a Basel expert [DBCC] $$$ Libor scandal makes it more costly for bankers to get insured [Reuters] $$$ Europe Aims to Make Rate Manipulation a Criminal Offense [DealBook] $$$ Fund managers to lose securities lending profits [FT] $$$ The Securities and Exchange Commission drew sharp criticism from a federal judge who said they have failed to properly oversee a $55 million investor education fund created by a nearly decade-old settlement with Wall Street banks. The fund had been created as part of a roughly $1.5 billion regulatory accord in 2003 with Citigroup Inc, Goldman Sachs Group Inc, JPMorgan Chase & Co and other banks accused of publishing biased analyst research. U.S. District Judge William Pauley in Manhattan said the SEC has shown a "lack of oversight" and "indifference" toward how a nonprofit organization charged with distributing the money has been managed. ... Pauley pointed as an example to a two-year, $91,500 grant to the Genesee District Library in Flint, Michigan, that appeared to have resulted in just two events, one of which concerned "spending, sharing, and saving" for children ages two to five. "While there may be benefits to starting investor education early, toddlers seem beyond the pale," the judge wrote in an order issued Wednesday. [Reuters] $$$ Mitt Romney would restore 'Anglo-Saxon' relations between Britain and America [Telegraph]

Ex-BankAtlantic CEO gets bar, fine; "Alleged penis-measuring exec charged in blood diamond scam"; Uber v. Brazil; "A Harvard employee has been accused of stealing $80,000 from the university and spending it on Lego and Apple products."; and more.

S&P cuts big banks; Hedge fund redemptions coming; "New York politician offers $1,000 to find subway-halting cat"; and more.