Write-Offs: 5.3.16
$$$UBS First-Quarter Profit Down 64% on Market Turbulence [Dealbook]
$$$BNP Paribas Surprises by Posting Quarterly Profit [Dealbook]
$$$Tech CEO Apologizes for 'Insensitive' Comments About Street Peddlers [Fortune]
$$$9 accused of losing investors $131M in ForceField Energy scheme [Reuters]
$$$Woman Reports KFC Meal Was Adulterated [TSG]
$$$Fed May Drag Hedge Funds Into Plan to Halt Next Lehman [Bloomberg]