Skip to main content

Bids On Whatever Yahoo Is At This Point Are Somehow Coming In At Over $5B: CNBC

Marissa Mayer might be greatest illusionist in the history of business.

In what may well turn out to be one of the greatest magic tricks in the history of American business, Marissa Mayer will reportedly sell all the parts of Yahoo that nobody wants for more than $5 billion:

Screen Shot 2016-06-09 at 11.16.23 AM

Yahoo has received multiple bids at or above $5 billion for its core business, CNBC has learned.
To be sure, it's a mystery what exactly is up for auction — each bid could contain slightly different assets, including parts of intellectual property and real estate — and bids will shake up again as the next round of the auction commences. But there are bids of $5 billion or more for the core business, excluding any real estate or patent portfolio, according to people familiar with the situation.

But the "core business" also doesn't include Yahoo's stakes in Alibaba and Yahoo Japan, a/k/a the parts of Yahoo that are actually worth money.

According to CNBC, the one major bidder that low-balled Mayer was Verizon, making it less likely that she will have to report to her old nemesis Tim Armstrong. The report does not mention the bid from a group led by Bain Capital that includes former Yahoo CEO Ross Levinsohn, which is the one we like best for its narrative qualities.

Putting the players involved aside, the mere fact that Mayer could turn around and sell the dumpster fire that is Yahoo for more than $5 billion after rumors swirled that the business was worth between $2 billion and $4 billion is enough to make one believe that she is not in fact "Evita Breadsticks" but the lovechild of Henry Kravis and Harry Houdini.

Yahoo has received multiple bids at or above $5 billion for core business [CNBC]


Screen Shot 2016-07-06 at 10.52.09 AM

Marissa Mayer Is The Only Person Who Thinks Marissa Mayer Is Staying On At Yahoo

She could stay on post-merger, but the Gods of Logic would weep.

Screen Shot 2016-07-06 at 10.51.53 AM

Marissa Mayer Will Personally Deliver Yahoo's Almost Lifeless Body To The Highest Bidder

"Pay me billions for this thing I broke" is a bold sales pitch, but Marissa Mayer is a bold executive.


Hey Look, It's Tim Armstrong's Turn To F@^* Up Yahoo!

Marissa Mayer finally finds herself on the right side of schadenfreude.

Bids On Yahoo Will Be Yahoo-ingly Disappointing

These are not the numbers Marissa was expecting to see.


Reports: Marissa Mayer Thisclose To Getting Verizon To Pay $5B For What's Left Of Yahoo

She might just pull a half-dead rabbit out of a badly-damaged hat after all, you guys.

Marissa Mayer Is Not Swinging Into Spring

It's still winter in the valley of Yahoo.


Marissa Mayer Is The Keyser Söze Of Business

The greatest trick Marissa ever pulled was convincing the world she didn't know what she was doing.