Skip to main content

Bonus Watch '16: Chinese Bankers Are Getting Spanked...Literally

"That's horrible!" whispers a smirking, contemplative John Cryan.

Good morning crybaby bankers.


Remember when you had that tantrum because your bosses decided that your bonus package was going to be way smaller/non-existent this year, leaving you only your basic comp and investments to live off, like a common media executive?

Deutsche Bankers know what we're talkin' bout.

Well, you should pull yourself together and act like a man!

Wah, you need to scale back on your Hamptons share this summer. Wah, you're going to have to wait another quarter to pre-order that basic Tesla. Wah, you're never going to pay off that MBA.

You know who who has a right to be whining? The employees of Changzhi Zhangze Rural Commercial Bank...

A motivational trainer in China beat eight rural bank employees with a stick, shaved the heads of the men and cut the hair of the women after they performed poorly on a training weekend.

So, tell us again about your "bonus disappointment," Barclays senior analyst.

But this wasn't just a mental break on the part of the Chinese motivators. This is part of a nascent management philosophy.

“Spanking was a training model I have been exploring for many years,” the trainer, Jiang Yang, said on his microblog, absolving the bank’s leadership of direct responsibility.A

And you have a right to be intrigued, James Gorman, because Jiang is already experimenting with themes!

After a day of training last weekend for a staff of more than 200, Jiang demanded explanations from the eight employees with the lowest scores.
One responded: “I’m not hard on myself.” Another shouted: “I didn’t make a breakthrough”, while a third blamed lack of teamwork.
Jiang then asked them to prepare to be beaten and strode up and down the row of offenders several times, hitting them hard with a stick.
Later, he cut the women’s hair and shaved the men’s heads.

According to The Guardian Chinese social media is already rife with outcry over the beatings, but some people have also applauded the notion of hitting bankers with sticks.

As of now, there is no confirmation that one of those users is, in fact, John Cryan.

Chinese bank staff beaten for poor performance on course [The Guardian]



Bonus Watch '17: Deutsche Bank Bonus Pool More Like A Sad, Shallow Shower Puddle Of Bonuses

Deutsche Bank's mismanagement of this year's bonus season is like a new form of performance art.


Bonus Watch '18: You Are All Deutsche Bankers Now

How's a $0 bonus sound? Does zero money work for you this year?


Deutsche Bank To Former Board Members: These Absurdly Expensive Fines Ain't Just Gonna Pay Themselves

The House of Cryan is attempting to create the politley Lutheran clawback.


John Cryan Tells Deutsche Bank Employees That There Are Far Too Many Of Them

The most beloved boss in finance is ready to replace about half of his people with robots.


Bonus Watch '17: Each Citi Junior Banker Is A Unique And Wondrous Snowflake

Cool bro Mikey Corbat is embracing that millennial management vibe.


Layoffs Watch '16: Nobody Is Getting Fired Ever Again!

Unless you work in compliance, the days of champagne, caviar, and blow are back!