Things Are Going To Suck For A While: UBS Investment Banking Chief, Basically

Or continue sucking, as it were.
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How are things going at UBS's investment bank? Not great! In a memo yesterday, IBD chief Andrea Orcel announced that the Swiss would be consciously uncoupling with a handful of senior executives, including its co-head of equities and co-head of fixed income, rates and currency, and rather than strike an optimistic tone for the future, Orcel then proceeded to list all the reasons it's going to suck to be UBS for at least the next few quarters.

“We are now in a period of dislocation -- a perfect storm of challenges and changes from regulation, competitors and markets,” Orcel said in the memo...Profit at UBS’s investment bank dropped 67 percent to 253 million francs ($258 million) in the first quarter, the lowest total for the start of a year since 2009. The bank’s stock has decreased 35 percent this year, tracking a slide across European financial shares. UBS extended its slump after the U.K.’s shock vote to leave the European Union last week roiled financial markets around the world.

Naturally, there will be layoffs or as Big O refers to them, a "streamlin[ing]" of "layers."

He also said the investment bank must become more “streamlined and efficient,” with fewer layers, as the operating environment continues to change four years after UBS decided to shrink the division and exit most fixed-income trading.

And if somehow you're spared from the streamlining, grab a barf bucket and keep it at your desk.

“I can’t promise you that it will all be smooth sailing from now on,” Orcel said in the memo.

YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PERFECT STORM, RIGHT?

UBS’s Murphy and Naylor Leave as Orcel Overhauls Senior Team [Bloomberg]

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UBS's Investment Banking Head May Have To Slash His Own Expenses "Like A Jewish Shopkeeper"

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