Marissa Mayer Will Personally Deliver Yahoo's Almost Lifeless Body To The Highest Bidder

"Pay me billions for this thing I broke" is a bold sales pitch, but Marissa Mayer is a bold executive.
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Yesterday marked the final day of bidding in Marissa Mayer's odyssey to sell what's left of Yahoo to whichever corporation will pay actual money for it.

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But in a fun little twist, it was also the day that Yahoo reported it's Q2 results for 2016. So you know that Evita Breadsticks made sure to put her best foot forward and show that Yahoo isn't just a tire fire burning through money and bad decisions...

Yahoo said that its revenue in the second quarter fell 15 percent, after excluding accounting adjustments, and its operating profit fell 64 percent.
Yahoo also acknowledged that Tumblr — its biggest acquisition under its current chief executive, Marissa Mayer — was now worth only one-third of the $1.1 billion that Yahoo paid for it in 2013.

So "Double M" is basically telling Verizon, TPG and Dan Gilbert that they should all definitely pony up a few billion to buy Yahoo, but whoever "wins" might want to bring a financial first aid kit when they pick it up because the company is hemorrhaging money from a plethora of self-inflicted wounds.

In addition to Tumblr, Yahoo is still trying to cauterize the bleeding in its media division, it's bad executive contracts and a batsh!t terrible deal that Mayer made with Mozilla. All of those things plus the general stench of Yahoo's unremitting march of failure has led to Wall Street treating the company's Q2 like family members treat your one cousin who can't stay sober.

Business Insider has a nice little wrap up of a few analyst notes that share the theme of "Yahoo just can't seem to get it together, but she's a good kid." One person who shares a form of that sentiment is former CEO - and Dealbreaker revenge fantasy hero - Ross Levinsohn. Speaking on CNBC yesterday before Yahoo's earnings release, Levinsohn played prognosticator saying"I think the prediction is pain." But he didn't seem entirely psyched about being correct.

"The core of it is still fantastic — great people, terrific brands," Levinsohn said. "But I think the focus of where they invested ... just has not paid off."

Levinsohn is too gentlemanly to say that Yahoo is a company with solid bones and terrible leadership, so he unsubtly intimated it.

What remains to be seen if anyone believes the former and is able to disassociate it from the latter.

Yahoo Edges Toward Its Sale With a Limp [NYT]

Yahoo is in ‘trouble,’ said former CEO who looked at bidding on the company [CNBC]

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