If the last month has taught us anything, it's that we live in a nation divided.
A large part of the American electorate thinks that this country is in serious trouble, a once-proud global titan beset on all sides by threats foreign and domestic. Then there is the rest of the nation, holding out hope that what unites us will always make us great. That we are now and will remain forever a bastion of freedom and good to the rest of the world.
But there are some, a lucky few, who are not burdened by doubt and know in their very marrow that America is the most kick-ass place on this big blue marble. These folks are not constrained by fear or second-guessing because that's just not how they roll. They are the doers, the knowers, the best among us.
That's right, we're talking about Iron Patriot Jamie Dimon.
Here's what the Khaleesi of Wall Street said to CNBC yesterday about American banks:
"LOOK, THE AMERICAN BANKING SYSTEM'S IN GREAT SHAPE. TONS OF CAPITAL. TONS OF LIQUIDITY. THEY'RE STARTING TO EXPAND AGAIN. AND A HEALTHY FINANCIAL MARKET IS KIND OF PART OF THE SPINNING WHEEL THAT MAKES THE COUNTRY GROW."
Big wheel in the sky keep on turning...because American banks are liquid as fuuuuuuuuuuck! Fiiiiiiiiiire!
But Jamie was just getting warmed up. He has clearly been watching this election closely, and he is not enjoying all this fire and brimstone end of America stuff. He's not seeing even a hint of Trump's immigrant hellscape, and he would like Hillary to maybe do a few campaign stops draped in Old Glory. Why? Umm, maybe because AMERICA RULES!
"SO HERE'S THE IMPORTANT LONG-TERM THEME. AND I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE UNITED STATES PATRIOTICALLY FOR A SECOND. WE HAVE THE BEST MILITARY ON THE PLANET, THE BEST MILITARY BARRIERS EVER BUILT CALLED THE ATLANTIC AND THE PACIFIC. VERY PEACEFUL AND FRIENDLY NEIGHBORS CALLED MEXICO AND CANADA. SOME OF THE BEST UNIVERSITIES ON THE PLANET, SOME OF THE BEST BUSINESSES ON THE PLANET, GREAT WORK ETHIC, GREAT RULE OF LAW – OTHER THAN HOW IT OFTEN APPLIES TO BANKS – THE WISE AND DEEPEST FINANCIAL MARKETS THAT THE WORLD'S EVER SEEN. YOU DON'T GET THAT IN BRAZIL, RUSSIA, INDIA, CHINA. I'M NOT MAKING FUN OF THEM. WE HAVE ALL THE FOOD, WATER AND ENERGY WE SHOULD NEED. AGAIN, YOU DON'T GET THAT. AND I'M SAYING THIS OUT OF RESPECT FOR CHINA. THEY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FOOD, WATER AND ENERGY. THEY HAVE 500 MILLION PEOPLE LIVING IN POVERTY AND THEY HAVE A LOT OF VERY TOUGH NEIGHBORS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. SO YOU KNOW, WE – AMERICA SHOULD LOOK AT WHAT WE DO VERY WELL. OUR FUTURE IS GOING TO BE UNBELIEVABLE. BUT IT'S NOT A DIVINE RIGHT. WE DON'T HAVE A DIVINE RIGHT TO SUCCESS. SO I AGREE WITH A LOT OF POLITICIANS OUT THERE WHEN THEY SAY WE'VE GOT SERIOUS ISSUES. WE DO. IMMIGRATION, INFRASTRUCTURE, INCOME INEQUALITY IS ONE OF THEM, YOU KNOW, WHICH IS WHY WE RECENTLY ARE CHANGING OUR WAGE RATES AT JPMORGAN. SO LET'S GET TOGETHER, COLLABORATE AND FIX THE PROBLEMS SO THAT BEAUTIFUL FUTURE WE HAVE IS THE ONE WE ACCOMPLISHED."
Jamie Dimon probably loves America more than you, but that can change if you just roll up your sleeves and get to work. He is even handing out raises to incentivize his people to lead the way because while Jamie Dimon loves America, he is also keenly aware that America might not love Jamie Dimon or his bank. But who's going to lend actual money and keep that aforementioned wheel spinning if not Jamie, his colleagues and his rivals? He gets that 2008 happened but he's also ready to move forward because America deserves it. So keep your dusty potshots to yourself, candidates threatening weak regulation measures...
OK, I'M NOT GOING TO GET INTO – GLASS-STEAGALL HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CRISIS AND EVEN ALL OF THEM ACKNOWLEDGE THAT. SO, IT'S KIND OF INNOCUOUS FOR THE PAST.
Not getting into Glass-Steagall? What's more American than that?