As some of you may have noticed, the last number of months have been at best not great and at worst really f*cking terrible for Deutsche Bank. Recent woes include but are in no way limited to:
- Second quarter net income falling a comical 98%
- Bloomberg detailing the ways CEO John Cryan is doing a terrible job
- The results of a survey (released by Deutsche Bank!) revealing a large chunk of employees are embarrassed to list "Deutsche Bank" on their résumés
- Failing its stress test
- A report of "serious" lapses in so-called attempts to prevent money laundering
- Regulators putting the number of employees associated with LIBOR rigging at twenty-nine (29!)
- An investigation of "a series of trades that may have improperly generated millions of dollars in personal profits, some at the bank’s expense, for a handful of current and former employees"
So, it's safe to say the mood around the bank is really quite bad and that morale is somewhere between "in the toilet" and "why don't we just give up?" But you know what could prove just the shot in the arm Deutsche Bank needs? What could lift its spirits out of the septic tank, much like when an athlete from a war-torn country brings home an Olympic medal? The pride associated with one of its employees being the greatest god damn cupcake baker in Britain.
Selasi Gbormittah, who works in global transaction banking at Europe’s largest investment bank, is challenging other contestants on BBC One’s “The Great British Bake Off,” one of the country’s most popular TV shows. A spokesman for Deutsche Bank confirmed Gbormittah works for the firm in London. Starting on Aug. 24, the banker will join 11 other hopefuls competing on the cooking program. The contestants will be whittled down each week until one is eventually crowned champion. The 2015 final, won by Nadiya Hussain, was the U.K.’s most-watched TV show last year with a peak audience of 14.5 million...His colleagues are often “blown away by the beautiful cupcakes he makes,” according to the BBC’s website.
A first place finish could not only boost morale but serve as a sign of good things to come at DB. On the flip-side, anything less than gold would presumably mean a continued and accelerated downward spiral to the depths of banking hell. Gbormittah: THE FATE OF DEUTSCHE BANK RESTS WITH YOU AND YOUR FROSTING.