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Deutsche Bank: It's All Good

Everyone is apparently freaking out over nothing.
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Earlier this week, a chief adviser to Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdogan threw it out there on Twitter that Turkey should buy Deutsche Bank on the cheap, in light of the bank's never-ending tidal wave of woes. And it sort of seemed ridiculous but maybe wasn't completely ridiculous considering the fact things are insanely bad at the German bank right now? A state of terribleness everyone seems to be fully aware of, with the exception of Deutsche Bank, which this afternoon put it out there that nothing is f*cked, and y'all should just chill?


Shares of Deutsche Bank fell sharply in midday New York trade Thursday after a Bloomberg report said a small fraction of hedge funds that do derivatives business with the bank have cut their exposure. The report, citing one source and a review of an internal document, also pointed out that most of Deutsche Bank's derivatives clearing clients haven't made changes. "Our trading clients are amongst the world's most sophisticated investors," Deutsche Bank said in an emailed statement to CNBC. "We are confident that the vast majority of them have a full understanding of our stable financial position, the current macro-economic environment, the litigation process in the U.S. and the progress we are making with our strategy."

Deutsche Bank shares drop after report that some hedge funds have reduced exposure [CNBC]


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But it needs everyone's help.

By Steve Jurvetson (Flickr: Jamie Dimon, CEO of JPMorgan Chase) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Jamie Dimon Tells People To Calm The Heck Down Re: Deutsche Bank

Don't get your panties in a bunch over nothing.

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Although, DB would like to just point out that it hasn't even talked to Iran, Libya, Syria etc. in, like, years.