In a pilot program that one can only assume was ideated under the working title "Project 420," two of America's most famous companies have decided that it is time to make burritos fly...
In what’s sure to be a college student’s dream come true, drones will soon be delivering burritos on the campus of Virginia Tech.
The experimental service, to begin this month and last just a few weeks, is a test by Project Wing, a unit of Google’s parent company Alphabet Inc. Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc. and the Blacksburg, Virginia university have agreed to participate.
The joint venture is being hailed as a future-changing experiment in transportation (and it will undoubtedly be a paradigm-shifter for guacamole-loving VT students fresh off a bong hit) but it's also just a perfect summation of this moment in time.
Sure, this whole project will be very complicated and very academic, but it seems that even the executives behind it have a difficult time not sounding high as a kite whilst talking about it:
"It’s the first time that we’re actually out there delivering stuff to people who want that stuff,” said Dave Vos, who heads Project Wing.
But in Vos' defense, the actual mechanics of this venture sound like they come right out of a Seth Rogen script development meeting...
Project Wing will use self-guided hybrids that can fly like a plane or hover like a helicopter. They will make deliveries from a Chipotle food truck to assess the accuracy of navigation systems and how people respond.
The devices will hover overhead and lower the Chipotle edibles with a winch.
But let's step back and take this while thing in from the perspective it truly deserves. "Sending Chipotle burritos via Goole drones" is a phrase that seems to come from a copy of "Mad Libs For 2016."
It's got everything.
Getting Alphabet drones to help drop burritos out of the sky is a nice little shot in the arm for Chipotle and its new minority owner Bill Ackman. Being at the forefront of millennial-friendly delivery is a hip way to offset all the diarrhea and sundry other tragedies that have befallen the company over the past few months. Granted, we'd pay any amount of money to have been in the room when Ackman got wind of the fact that his newest big bet is partnering with Google to shoot its food out of the sky, because Wow.
And for the tech world, what could be more beautifully "simple and disruptive" than sending a burrito via drone? Surely the tech sector will view this project with its reflexive caution and even-handedness, taking it in stride as a tiny step forward and not over-inflating the importance of dropping bean-filled tortillas into the eager hands of bleary-eyed English majors...
Alphabet sees the technology as potentially creating sweeping changes to society and the economy, it said in a statement. It would not only reduce carbon emissions, but may change the way consumers shop, the company said.
Yeah bro... totally.