John Stumpf went over to Congress for an appearance before the House Financial Services Committee on Thursday morning (more on that later) and was pounded by a seemingly endless parade of House members psyched up like tweens to have so much attention on them.
There was a lot of grandstanding and dumb theater, but one member of the committee went above and beyond in his allotted time. So batsh!t lame was the line of questioning chosen by Rep Keith Rothfus (R-PA) that it resonated above the din of a four-plus hour hearing chock-full of repetitive stupidity that included one member showing a mug shot of an actual bank robber and asking Stumpf if he too should be in jail.
Rothfus, a former corporate attorney who looks like the lovechild of John Denver and SNL alum Tim Kazurinsky, got his turn in hour three of the hearing and chose to use his time asking Stumpf if bank CEOs spend much of their time putting on disguises and dealing with the handful of clients who still want to interact with a bank teller.
This is a transcript of Rothfus' breathtakingly dumb questioning of a man in charge of a $44 billion megabank.
ROTHFUS: In the last five years, how many branches have you visited personally?
STUMPF:You know, I don't keep a count of that, but if I had to pick a number, maybe 1,000?
ROTHFUS: Do you make it a practice to go behind the counter and work as a teller or as a --
STUMPF: To work as one?
ROTHFUS: Yes. Have you ever seen the show "Undercover Boss" where the CEO comes in and does the front line work?
STUMPF: Yes. I have not -- I am not trained or allowed to do that but I walk behind the teller line and talk to our people.
ROTHFUS: You wouldn't have waited on a customer and maybe sit in the shoes of one of those front line employees and maybe the cross-selling practice?
No, Representative Dipshit, the chairman and CEO of a major bank did not glue on a fake mustache and sneak behind the counter of a branch to "sit in the shoes" of an employee because THAT'S CRAZY.
The bank that John Stumpf has run for almost a decade just admitted to a gross pattern of fraudulent behavior for a number of years that hurt consumers and weakened the tenuous public trust in American financial institutions. Yet somehow an elected member of the United States Congress wants to know whether or not Stumpf manages like on that CBS reality show he likes.
So, yeah, that's where we're at.