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Jack Dorsey Is Pricing Out The Dopest Deck Chairs For His Twitter Titanic

When Jack shouts "We can do it!" Reality shouts "No you can't!"

We're one year into his part-time gig back at the helm of the company he founded, and Jack Dorsey is staring at an objectively not-awesome situation.

On top of existential questions about what Twitter is, major defections by top executives, a sales process that he doesn't apparently want and can't pull off anyway, Jack is looking at a stock price performance during his tenure that can best be described as #ratchet:

Screen Shot 2016-10-11 at 10.08.56 AM

Things at Twitter are so rough right now that the one guy who openly wants it - Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff - is being held back by his shareholders like parents trying to prevent their crazed, oblivious child from buying a dangerous toy.

So bad that "outspoken" Australian hedge fund manager and Bill Ackman bête noire John Hempton wrote this about Twitter on his blog today:

Twitter is wildly addictive. This is well known and there are people who check twitter more obsessively than anyone checked email.
Twitter is also a chaotic world full of trolls, useless information, porn-spam and videos of kittens.
It is also - as anyone cares to notice - for sale.

Crocodile Fundee goes on to write this:

This company should be and probably will be bought by an aggressive financial buyer. And Jack will be fired. (And - I think - the world will be a better place for that.)

And this:

Twitter revenue is still rising and is running about $2.5 billion per annum. It is a website that once ran extremely well on less than $250 million in costs. (No I am not joking.)
If you can't make this have a 40 percent operating margin then - frankly you are inadequately brutal. Personally I think 50 percent is possible.
At this market cap that works extremely well for a financial buyer. Its a no brainer even.
So expect it to be bought. By some Wall Street bastard armed with a lot of debt.
And that bastard will fire a lot of people.
If I worked at Twitter I would be preparing my resume and providing a list of really quick things that can be done to improve the user experience - with the code all mapped out.

Hempton even twists the knife in Jack by saying that Carl Icahn should get involved (ed note - should this happen, Dealbreaker will be happy to consult on the inevitable sitcom to spring from this pairing).

So with the world falling in around him on his first anniversary back, what would you do in Jack's position?

If you guessed "Pretend like nothing is happening and that Twitter is Facebook" you might have what it takes to run Twitter!

In an internal memo, sent last week and obtained by Bloomberg on Monday, Dorsey doesn't mention potential deals. Instead, he rallied the team around Twitter's "live" strategy, saying the company is the "people's news network." Twitter is already the fastest place to get information -- now it needs to be the first place people check to see what's happening, the executive wrote.
"We're only limited by our sense of urgency," Dorsey said in the memo. "Life is short. Every day matters. And the people who use Twitter every day deserve our best. They are why we're here. So let's show them what we're made of and deliver a better Twitter faster than they thought possible. We can do this every day. We can do this!"

It's unclear if Jack just pulled the memo he sent to his other staff and had someone switch out "Square" and replace it with "Twitter," but it wouldn't shock us if that was the case. While it's not unusual for a Silicon Valley CEO to send out a pump-up email to his team urging them on to achieve something crazy by saying "We can do it!", it us pretty wild to watch almost everyone else shout back "No! You Can't!"

Some comment on the Twitter buyout rumours [Bronte Capital]
Twitter's Dorsey Rallies Staff Around Independent Strategy in Internal Memo [Bloomberg]



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