Yahoo Decides To Quietly Whisper Its Q3 Results And Then Run Away

Well ain't this some bullshit?
Author:
Publish date:
Updated on

Quarterly earnings time means everyone has to stand up and say how they did over the past few months.

MarissaMayerTiara

And that means everyone, not just JPMorgan bragging about another record quarter or Amazon deciding whether or not it wants to do a profit, or Goldman Sachs pushing the limbo bar of expectations down low enough to step over it...It means EVERYone. Like Wells Fargo and Deutsche Bank have to suck it up and admit how things are going because fair is fair and these are the rules. And an unspoken addendum to those rules is that you reserve a conference call line to let analysts and shareholders ask some questions about what you've been, like, doing for the past 12 weeks or anything else that tickles their fancy. Like it or not, it's just how the game is played.

Quarterlies have a Darwinian fairness. They care not for the individual and seek only to separate the weak from the strong. There is no "Pass" if you're in the midst of a dying merger because you can't stop admitting that your underlying business is riddled with unreported disasters.

Isn't that right, Marissa Mayer?...

SUNNYVALE, Calif.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Yahoo! Inc. (NASDAQ:YHOO) will release its financial results for the third quarter ended September 30, 2016, after market close on Tuesday, October 18, 2016. Due to the pending transaction with Verizon, Yahoo will not have an earnings call or webcast for its third quarter results. Concurrently with release of its financial results, supplemental financial information will also be posted on the Company's Investor Relations website at investor.yahoo.net.

Umm...the fuck?

You're just going to mumble that everything is broken and then stick your fingers in your ears? Are you also hoping that if you don't make any sudden movements the market won't see you? Is Marissa going to spend the two hours after the closing bell next Tuesday in a Faraday Cage?

This isn't how this works, Yahoo. You don't get to hide behind a merger because you don't want to discuss the waking nightmare that has become your balance sheet. In fact, one assumes that Verizon would prefer you do an earnings call. It would at the very least provide Tim Armstrong a chance to bellow "What else aren't you telling me, Marissa?!" in a public setting.

If Wells Fargo can open the phone lines to talk about how things are going there over the past few weeks, Yahoo should be even more ashamed of itself than it usually is, and that's tragic.

We've seen a lot of batshit behavior come out of Sunnyvale in the last year or so, but trying to preserve the last shreds of its non-existent dignity by not letting people ask questions about why it couldn't protect its illogically loyal remaining users from hackers is the reductio ad absurdum of Marissa Mayer's leadership.

So since we won't get the opportunity on Tuesday, let us be the first to say "Congratulations on your final quarter, guys."

Related