Hasn't there been something missing in your soul since you graduated college? A certain item that simultaneously screams "Adult with money" AND "Drunken lout"?
Well, good news! The kegerator of your dreams is waiting for you!
Tell the significant other in your life that your palate for craft beer has become so advanced that you can no longer tolerate the taste of canned or bottled swill, you require the purity of draft beer to get you high these days and for that your need a 5 gallon, stainless steel, temp-controlled keg palace with an enhanced LCD display.
And then you can get drunk all the time at home.