Skip to main content

Screw It, Jamie Dimon Is Just Going To Have To Be Treasury Secretary Whether He Likes It Or Not

Welcome to the #DraftDimon movement.

The Trump administration is starting to take shape...and that shape is like an oblong viscous gooey sphere with questions marks jutting out of it at odd angles and Donald Trump inside doing his best impression of Munch’s “The Scream.”


We have so little actual evidence to go on regarding about what is about to happen that even the most obvious of assumptions seems desperately risky. What we know for certain is that the President-Elect has appointed the head of the RNC to be his chief-of-staff but will continue to get most of his advice from the publisher of Breitbart News. The predictive value of those two choices sums up mathematically to “Jack Shit.” And if you really want to feel even more confused/concerned/panicky, just read the Wall Street Journal:

Mr. Trump’s victory surprised even his own top advisers, who, before Tuesday, were unable to focus the New York businessman on the 73 days between the election and inauguration, a senior aide said. They said Mr. Trump didn’t want to jinx himself by planning the transition before he had actually won.
During their private White House meeting on Thursday, Mr. Obama walked his successor through the duties of running the country, and Mr. Trump seemed surprised by the scope, said people familiar with the meeting. Trump aides were described by those people as unaware that the entire presidential staff working in the West Wing had to be replaced at the end of Mr. Obama’s term.
After meeting with Mr. Trump, the only person to be elected president without having held a government or military position, Mr. Obama realized the Republican needs more guidance. He plans to spend more time with his successor than presidents typically do, people familiar with the matter said.

Um, holy shit?

If Team Trump was unaware that, like, the White House doesn’t come pre-stocked with the best and the brightest, we can also assume that this group might be a little over their heads on stuff like deficit spending, rate volatility and stagflation. It’s enough to make Larry Summers have a cow, man.

So what we’re saying here is that it’s not what this administration intends to do that should make us squirm, it’s what they don’t know about what they intend to do or who they intend to have do it. And nowhere is that reality more clear than looking at Trump's Treasury choices.

It feels like Trump’s choice from before November 9th, Steven Mnuchin, is either getting a hard second look or has told the transition team that he never thought this was going to happen and was only kidding about running Treasury...after all he is almost totally unqualified for that job and just thought it would be cool to have his name mentioned...Jesus Christ you guys, he’s still producing “The Lego Ninjago Movie” and would have to get that in the can before he can start measuring Jack Lew’s drapes… Do you really want America’s most powerful banking regulator to have an IMDB page that looks like this?


You know who doesn’t have an IMDB page that lists credits like “Batman Vs. Superman” and “The Entourage Movie”? Jamie MF’ing Dimon, that’s who.

Which brings us to the one concrete thing we believe in at this moment: It's time to draft Jamie Dimon for Treasury Secretary.

And before you start whining that he doesn’t want the job, shut up, we’re beyond that. As we talked about last week, Jamie Dimon would be a politically suicidal choice at any other moment in modern American history, but today he would be a revelatory one. It's time for Wall Street to get on board and force Jamie into service.

What we're not going to need is more of Lloyd Blankfein's horsing around. Was it funny when he told Andrew Ross Sorkin that getting Jamie out of JPM and into Treasury would "kill two birds with one stone" for Goldman Sachs? Yeah, it was kind of adorable, but cut that shit out. In fact, Lloyd should call Jamie directly today and tell him that he is needed. He should go as far as to say that he would do it himself but y'know, the whole Goldman thing (Steve Bannon apparently notwithstanding). Lloyd should tell Jamie what we all see; it’s Jamie Dimon or economic oblivion.

But we’re going to need all hands on deck here. Brian Moynihan might want to get some face-time with Jamie in the next 24 hours and drop that sad puppy dog look on him. No one can resist BriMo at his most plaintive. Nor is it easy to say no to Cryan and Gorman when they start begging. Tim Sloan has nothing to offer, but he might as well give it a shot. Hell, maybe even Corbat should put in a call, one that begins with “Hi, it’s Michael Corbat, I’m the head of something called Citigroup?”

Time is of the essence here. Team Trump needs to know that help is out there, accomplished centrists who know their shit and will work to Make America Great Again within the parameters of reason and logic.

Now it’s up to us to force Jamie to “offer.”

Draft Dimon! Sign the petition NOW!



Jamie Dimon Seems Keenly Aware That His Destiny Lies In The Treasury Department

The man himself leaves the door wide open on the #DraftDimon movement.


By Saying No To Treasury Gig, Jamie Dimon Is Only Making Donald Trump Want Him More

The #DraftDimon movement has entered its high school sex comedy phase.


Future Treasury Secretary Jamie Dimon Has Donald Trump Right Where He Wants Him

"Trump doesn't respect Dimon" is the new version of "Water not wet."


Jamie Dimon For Treasury? We Should Be So Lucky

Don't front like this rumor isn't causing your body to feel the warm sensation of relief.


Jamie Dimon Goes To Rome In Hopes Of Making London Jealous

While contemplating Brexit, Jamie realizes that Rome rules and London drools.


Jamie Dimon: "America, F@*# Yeah!"

We're not saying Jamie is more patriotic than you, but you're not nearly as patriotic as Jamie.