A lot of the things we thought we knew back on November 7th seem to be adorable relics of an innocent past, but there is one thing we can still cling to like a tenaciously obstinate mast in a storm: Don't nobody fuck with Preet Bharara.
Sure, President-Elect Trump is well on his way to gutting the current apparatus governing America and replace it with a cheap and gaudier version more to his liking. That means many of the Obama-era samurai are out on their asses, especially those with deep Democratic party ties and a history of attacking Wall Street. So when former Chuck Schumer staffer and alpha Wall Street antagonist Preet Bharara showed up at Trump Tower this afternoon, it seemed like a very real possibility that PEOTUS was going to fire the US Attorney by having Steve Cohen jump out of a golden closet and do it himself.
But, if you let yourself entertain that notion, you should be ashamed for forgetting the New Golden Rule: Don't NOBODY fuck with Preet Bharara.
Preet Bharara said Wednesday that he'd agreed to stay on in his role as Manhattan U.S. Attorney at President-elect Donald Trump's request.
Following a meeting with Trump inside Trump Tower, Bharara explained that he had been summoned by the President-elect to discuss remaining in his position and had made up his mind "to stay on."
Wassup now, Trump Transition Team? You thought Preet was gonna go all weak in the knees when he got your summoning to The Tower? Your boy DJT was lucky that Preetie Smalls found time out of his busy kicking ass schedule to grant an audience. And to make sure that Trump didn't waste all of his time, Bharara had decided to stay before Trump offered.
"The President-elect asked, presumably because he's a New Yorker and is aware of the great work that our office has done over the past seven years ... to discuss whether or not I'd be prepared to stay on as the United States attorney to do the work as we have done it, independently, without fear or favor for the last seven years," Bharara told reporters inside the lobby of the mogul's Midtown abode.
"We had a good meeting. I said I would absolutely consider staying on. I agreed to stay on," Bharara said, adding that he'd already notified Trump's pick for U.S. Attorney General, Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.), of his choice.
So until he decides to take Andrew Cuomo's job, Preet is going to stick around. He even had the class to call his new boss and tell him that he still works there so he can stop worrying his pretty little head about that.
And we're sure Jeff Sessions just nodded when he was told, because NOBODY FUCKS WITH PREET BHARARA.
Just ask SAC if you can hear him yelling for help inside that closet.