Skip to main content

Gary Cohn Set To Join Trump Administration, End Greatest Bromance In Wall Street History

The Brangelina of finance are also calling it quits in 2016.

Whatever your thoughts on swamps and their relative drainage systems, one thing is now crystal clear: The Trump Administration has torn asunder the greatest bromance in Wall Street history.


Donald Trump has offered Goldman Sachs executive Gary Cohn a key economic post, which would add to the administration another veteran of the powerful firm he bashed during his campaign, sources close to Cohn told NBC News.
Cohn, Goldman's 56-year-old president and chief operating officer, has been offered the directorship of the National Economic Council and assistant to the president for economic policy, the sources said.

There it is. After weeks of rumor and innuendo, Gary Cohn is leaving Goldman Sachs to stomp around the West Wing and give economic advice to the new President on what we assume will be agrundle-to-grundle face-to-face basis.

But while everyone else runs around in faux shock and reflexive outrage that another senior Goldman is joining the new administration, we here at dealbreaker dot com cannot see this news as anything other than the saddest celebrity divorce of 2016. You see, Gary Cohn is more than qualified to occupy a role once held by Larry Summers, Bob Rubin and twice held by Gene Sperling, but to take it he will have to leave the cozy confines of 200 West Street and his BFF, Lloyd Blankfein.

Lloyd without Gary is like Han Solo without Chewbacca. Boo Boo without Yogi. Simon without Garfunkel. Rocky without Bullwinkle. Bran without Hodor. Calvin without Hobbes. Salt without Peppa. Rocket Raccoon without Groot. Sonny without Cher.

Lloyd and Gary are the most iconic duo in finance. The end of their professional bromance is the Wall Street equivalent of the Brangelina divorce; Sure, we knew it wouldn't last forever, but it's hard to imagine them apart. And knowing that Gary is leaving Lloyd for Donald Trump just makes the whole thing all the more bizarre and surreal.

While there are layers upon layers to this news (More "Government Sachs," Who replaces Gary? Are the old floors and corridors of the White House ready to accommodate The Cohn?) we would ask that you all take some time before pondering them and give a moment to mourn the end of Wall Street's greatest bromance.

We miss it already.

Trump just offered yet another Goldman veteran a spot in his administration [CNBC]



With Trump White House In Disarray, Lloyd Blankfein Looks To Refocus Gary Cohn

Once Lloyd figures out how to DM Gary, we can kiss his twitter account goodbye.


Blankfein On Cohn: Gary's No Brainiac, But He Could Probably Run The Fed

This is the kind of shit that Taylor Swift writes songs about.


Gary Cohn Says His Trumphant Goodbye To Goldman Sachs

Stay Goldman, Ponyboy. Stay Goldman forever.


Lloyd Blankfein Knew Trump And Gary Were Going to F@ck This Up Eventually

"I haven't felt this good since 2006," joketh Emperor Blankfein.