Jamie Dimon, Class Traitor

Dimon's message to fellow bankers: “I want to help lower-wage people more than I want to help you.”

The age of Trump has scrambled many brains. Among them is the pink mass inside the skull of Jamie Dimon, whose recent flirtation with a Trump administration position suggested a shift in the lifelong Democrat's cogitation. At a banking conference Tuesday, the JPMorgan CEO's pushed his Trumpist populism even further.


“I am a patriot – I want to help my country and help it grow,” Dimon said, according to Business Insider. “I want to help lower-wage people more than I want to help you.” The “you” in question: his Wall Street kin.

Economic populism doesn't necessarily come naturally to Dimon. In 2011, as Occupy Wall Street protests raged, he puzzled at the nation's growing class resentment. “Acting like everyone who's been successful is bad and that everyone who is rich is bad,” he said. “I just don't get it."

Though Dimon ended up ignoring signs from Providence (i.e., Lloyd Blankfein) that he should take Trump Treasury secretary position – where he might have had a hand on the economic steering wheel – he jumped at the opportunity to join a presidential forum devoted to job creation, alongside fellow class warriors Steve Schwarzman and Jack Welch.

How Dimon plans to help workers with lower wages than his remains a mystery, suffice to say he probably won't be grabbing a pitchfork anytime soon.