Marissa Mayer Coins Awesome New Word To Rename The Detritus Of Her Folly

Is Altaba an Esperanto word for "The Blonde Lady Hurt Me"?
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Yahoo is somehow still an actual company, and therefore still legally bound to notify shareholders about decisions that it's making. After market close yesterday, Yahoo shared what it's thinking about how things will look after it offloads most of the company onto Verizon in a deal that maybe only Yahoo's board thinks it still going to happen...

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In light of the fact that following the Closing the Company will operate as an investment company under the Investment Company Act of 1940, the Board has determined that, immediately following the Closing, the size of the Board will be reduced to five (5) directors. Tor Braham, Eric Brandt, Catherine Friedman, Thomas McInerney and Jeffrey Smith will continue to serve as directors of the Company following the Closing, and Mr. Brandt will serve as Chairman of the Board. Each of David Filo, Eddy Hartenstein, Richard Hill, Marissa Mayer, Jane Shaw and Maynard Webb has indicated that he or she intends to resign from the Board effective upon the Closing, and that his or her intention to resign is not due to any disagreement with the Company on any matter relating to the Company’s operations, policies or practices.

While many assumed that Mayer's departure would have been a prerequisite of this deal, it's good to remember that Yahoo technically has to file about this stuff. And this stating of the relatively obvious also seems to have given Yahoo the opportunity to whisper something else to the SEC, something that must have been garbled in some regulatory filing game of telephone by the time it got to the public...

The Board also determined that, following the Closing, it intends to cause the Company’s name to be changed to Altaba Inc.

Umm, the fuck?

"Altaba"?

Is this a typo?

Is it a not-so-subtle acknowledgement that Alibaba stock is propping up this purple-tinged asset junkyard and if you squint the "ib" in "Alibaba" can look like a "t"?

Is this onomatopoeia for what people primally scream out when they wake up in the morning and realize that they still work at Yahoo?

Is it Esperanto for "The Blonde Lady Hurt Me"?

Whatever Altaba might or might not be, it will be known henceforth as Marissa Mayer's final insult. We can see the tagline now: "Altaba: Powered by Yahoo's Failure."

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