Skip to main content

After Coming Face-To-Face With Real American Folks, Mark Zuckerberg Abandons Political Ambitions

The Zuck retreats back into his hoodie.

After weeks and weeks of Silicon Valley navel-gazing speculation, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is putting an end to the rumors that he wants to awkwardly occupy the White House.


Per a certain failing pile of garbage: 

Mark Zuckerberg has no plans to run for president, the Facebook founder and CEO told BuzzFeed News Tuesday.
“No,” Zuckerberg wrote in response to a question asking if he had any plans to run for president. “I’m focused on building our community at Facebook and working on the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative,” referring to the limited-liability corporation he and his wife, Priscilla Chan, founded in 2015 to advance human potential and promote equality through major bets in education and science research. Zuckerberg did not immediately respond to follow-up questions about whether he’d explicitly ruled out a run.

So a Millennial mega-billionaire with a proven aversion to human beings is not going to get into politics? Sad.

What really seemed to throw off public opinion was watching Zuckerberg interact physically with actual people located outside major metropolitan areas, a bar of normalcy so low that only a tech billionaire could use it as a symbol of political ambition.

But, alas, Zuckerberg is saying that he did all that gross interacting for naught.

Or did he?

Last week, Zuckerberg announced that he had poached Uber executive David Plouffe, a former campaign manager for Barack Obama, as CZI’s president of policy and advocacy. He also tapped Ken Mehlman, George W. Bush’s former campaign manager, in an advisory role. “You can make change, but in order for it to be sustainable, you need to build a movement to support it,” Zuckerberg told the New York Times.

All hail Mark Zuckerberg, the Koch Brothers of the left!

Mark Zuckerberg Says He’s Not Running For President [Buzzfeed]


Screen Shot 2017-09-20 at 5.17.24 PM

Sheryl Sandberg Leans In To Take Public Beating On Mark Zuckerberg's Behalf

Facebook's fuck-up is on Sheryl because The Zuck is woke now.


Facebook Indicating To Congress That It Has Unprecedentedly Enormous Balls

Even Jamie Dimon wouldn't tell the Senate Intel Committee that he's too busy for a chat.