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Opening Bell: 1.17.17

Lynn Tilton sued over $1 billion; flash boys take over bitcoin; eat a golden shower burger; and more.

Zohar CLO Funds Target Lynn Tilton in $1 Billion Lawsuit (WSJ)

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The Zohar investment funds at the heart of Lynn Tilton’s $2.5 billion distressed-debt empire sued their founder Monday, accusing Ms. Tilton of pillaging more than $1 billion from investors and the troubled companies she manages. Through a “toxic mix of fraud, theft and mismanagement,” Ms. Tilton stole money from the Zohar funds and from the troubled companies, siphoning hundreds of millions of dollars in fees and assets from a souring loan portfolio and failing businesses, according to the lawsuit filed in federal court.

High-Speed Traders Are Taking Over Bitcoin (BBG)

Zhou Shuoji is not a bitcoin believer. He says the cryptocurrency will never replace its traditional forebears, and he calls most of its proponents fanatics. But for Zhou, a 35-year-old high-speed trader in Beijing, bitcoin is also too good to resist. His computers trade it 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Using lightning quick orders, they profit from tiny price discrepancies on the myriad venues where it changes hands. “It’s the golden age to be in the bitcoin market, because it’s imperfect,” said Zhou.

This Hedge Fund Says China’s Next Big Short Is Stocks (BBG)

“These recent monetary tightening measures point to the increased risk that Chinese officials will trigger the credit crisis first,” said Kevin Smith, the Denver-based founder and chief executive officer of Crescat Capital, whose China bets in the global macro fund returned about 3.4 percent last quarter. “It really only increases our conviction that there are opportunities on the equity-side short, particularly if they continue to defend the currency.”

A Rare Corner of Finance Where Women Dominate (NYT)

Women hold the top positions in corporate governance at many of the biggest mutual funds and pension funds — deciding which way to vote on the directors of a company board. They make decisions on behalf of teachers, government workers, doctors and most people in the United States who have a 401(k). The corporate governance heads at seven of the 10 largest institutional investors in stocks are now women. Those investors oversee $14 trillion in assets.

San Francisco biohackers are wearing implants made for diabetes in the pursuit of 'human enhancement' (BI)

In San Francisco, a growing number of entrepreneurs and biohackers are using a lesser-known medical technology called a continuous glucose monitor, or CGM, in order to learn more about how their bodies work. They wear the device under their skin for weeks at a time.

JPMorgan reverses view on Indonesian equities (FT)

“Our tactical downgrade two months ago was driven by the risk of Indonesia underperforming the Asia Pacific ex-Japan and emerging market indices as investors de-risked,” the analysts wrote. “Redemption and bond volatility risks have now played out, in our view.” A spokesman for the bank denied there was any link between Indonesia’s rebuke of the bank and the change in its analysts’ views.

Deutsche Bank is holding back on bonuses this year (NYP)

Deutsche Bank, the former Wall Street powerhouse, may hold back on giving out bonuses to as many as 90 percent of bankers and traders, The Post has learned. Only the top 10 percent of revenue generators may get a bonus for 2016 — and even then it will be paid out over the next five years, according to a source briefed on internal discussions.

Despite Dimon's criticism, JPMorgan funds closely track ISS on executive pay (Reuters)

JPMorgan Chase & Co Chief Executive Jamie Dimon has been no fan of Institutional Shareholder Services and once called investors "lazy" if they cast votes in corporate elections based on recommendations from the leading proxy adviser or its rival. But JPMorgan itself turns out to be a close follower of ISS, at least when it comes to proxy votes on pay, new data show.

Would You Eat This ‘Golden Shower’ Burger Inspired By Trump? (HuffPo)

“Drenched with self-tanning cheddar and yellow mustard leaking down the sides, and topped with a very small pickle. Comes with a lemon glazed doughnut to provide a memorable happy ending.”

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Opening Bell: 3.3.16

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Opening Bell: 1.13.17

Scaramucci finally earns respect; Cowen wants to be your new pot connection; bull market in golden showers; and more.

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Opening Bell: 1.24.17

AIG sued over constant groping; Goldman countersues over Platinum-related trades; Kellyanne Conway punched a dude; and more.

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Opening Bell: 11.3.2016

Wells Fargo raises reserves in midst of SEC probe; Markets still not pricing in Trump; Lynn Tilton does good in court; Michigan dog freed from death row; something something Cubs win; and more.

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Opening Bell: 2.6.18

Global markets in freefall; Bitcoin too!; Wells Fargo is government whipping boy; Seagull bites man; and more!

Opening Bell: 08.09.12

J.P. Morgan Cites 'Material Weakness' In Restated First-Quarter Results (WSJ) JPMorgan admitted to a "material weakness" in the bank's internal controls in filing restated first-quarter results, which included the loss resulting from ill-placed investment hedges. The company's restated first-quarter profit of $4.92 billion, down $459 million from the original report, matched what the company announced last month. n a filing Thursday with the Securities and Exchange Commission, J.P.Morgan said it "determined that a material weakness existed in the firm's internal control over financial reporting as of March 31, 2012." The bank reiterated that remedies had been taken but that "management's internal review" of the matter is continuing. Ex-UBS Traders Offered Deal By US In Interest Probe (WSJ) U.S. prosecutors have agreed to shield several former UBS employees from criminal charges in return for their cooperation with the escalating investigation of suspected interest-rate manipulation, according to a person close to the probe. The leniency deal was offered to former traders and other employees who had relatively junior-level jobs at the Swiss bank, the person said. In U.K., a Backlash Over Standard Chartered Probe (WSJ) U.K. officials moved Wednesday to defend Standard Chartered PLC, stoking the controversy over charges that it broke New York state banking rules in a decadelong campaign to hide its financial dealings with Iran. The company lashed out at the state's top banking regulator, saying a threat this week to strip the U.K.'s fifth-biggest bank of its New York state banking license was based on a "factually inaccurate" assessment. In an unusual public counterattack, some U.K. political figures accused the regulator of seeking to undermine London as a financial center, and Bank of England governor Mervyn King urged against a rush to judgment. StanChart Could Countersue US Regulator (FT) The bank’s legal advisers believe “there is a case” for claiming reputational damage, according to two people close to the situation, although Standard Charter is conscious of the delicacy of taking an aggressive stance towards its regulators. U.S. Jobless Claims Unexpectedly Fall As Labor Market Mends (Bloomberg) Jobless claims unexpectedly dropped by 6,000 to 361,000 in the week ended Aug. 4, Labor Department figures showed today in Washington. The median forecast of 43 economists surveyed by Bloomberg News called for an increase to 370,000. A spokesman for the agency said there was nothing unusual in the data. Goldman Sachs Leads Split With Obama (Bloomberg) Four years ago, employees of New York-based Goldman gave three-fourths of their campaign donations to Democratic candidates and committees, including presidential nominee Barack Obama. This time, they’re showering 70 percent of their contributions on Republicans. Black bear carefully raids Colorado candy shop; dirt left on counter but nothing broken (AP) A black bear went in and out of a Colorado candy store multiple times early one July morning, but he used the front door and didn’t break a thing. The bear did, however, steal some treats from the Estes Park store, including English toffee and some chocolate-chip cookies dipped in caramel and milk chocolate called “cookie bears.” Surveillance video at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory showed the bear prying open the door and grabbing some candy near the registers. He took the treats outside and ate them, then returned for more. The bear made seven trips in about 15 minutes, finally leaving after a passing car apparently scared him away. Store owner Jo Adams said Wednesday the bear managed to pop open the door because the deadbolt wasn’t completely secured. She said the only evidence her mindful visitor left behind was some dirt on a counter and some paper on the ground. There weren’t even any wrappers, so she assumes he ate those too. “He was very clean and very careful. He ate a lot of candy,” said Adams of the bear break-in, first reported by the Estes Park News. Knight Held $7 Billion Of Stocks Due To Glitch (WSJ) Knight Capital was holding about $7 billion of stocks at one point on Wednesday last week—a far bigger figure than previously known—as a result of errant trades that forced it to seek emergency funding, according to people familiar with the matter. Knight's traders worked frantically Aug. 1 to sell shares while trying to minimize losses due to a software problem, ultimately paring the total position to about $4.6 billion by the end of the trading day, the people said. The position led to a $440 million loss that forced Knight to seek a rescue, agreeing on a $400 million funding package this past weekend from a group of investors. The higher exposure shows that Knight's problems could have been worse. Still, the $4.6 billion position would have prevented Knight from opening for business the next day. The brokerage firm would have lacked the capital required by regulators to offset risks from holding the stocks, said the people. Monti Takes Off Gloves In Euro Zone Fight (Reuters) No more Mr. Nice Italian Prime Minister. Competitive eater ‘Furious Pete’ chows down on 2012 Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps’ daily diet - in 30 minutes (NYDN) Michael Phelps consumes over 12,000 calories a day. Can you imagine if he did it in 30 minutes? Competitive eater "Furious Pete" set out to do just that in a video making the rounds on the Internet that is as jaw-dropping as it is nausea-inducing. Pete Czerwinski chows down on an impressive array of dishes: three fried-egg sandwiches, three chocolate chip pancakes, a five-egg omelet, three sugar-coated slices of French toast, a bowl of grits, pasta with sauce, two ham and cheese sandwiches on white bread (with mayo), a pepperoni pizza, and cans upon cans of energy drinks. The massive meal - which closely matches the Olympic gold medalist's alleged daily diet - comes to a whopping total of 12,300 calories. Many YouTube users, however, say they're not completely convinced by Furious Pete's video, which was cut down from 30 minutes to four minutes, "so that you wouldn't get bored," Czerwinski explained. "Look at the clothes in the corner, they are moved during the video, so it wasn't done in one take. sloppy editing ;)" user Kristaps Straumens wrote. Others defended the Canadian consumer, who's achieved viral fame over the past several years for videos such as "Most Ferrero Rocher Chocolates Eaten in One Minute" and "Eating the World's Hottest Pepper." "The guy has eaten an 8 pound burger. You think? he would fake this?" user xJDKx wrote. Czerwinski's career as a competitive eater began in an unlikely way. He was admitted to hospital at age 16 for complications stemming from anorexia. Over the next five years, he slowly recovered, building up his weight and getting fit through body building. It wasn't until 2007, when Czerwinski sat down with several of his pals at a restaurant and realized that he could out eat them all in record time, that the idea of “Furious Pete” started to take form.

Opening Bell: 6.1.15

WaMu execs still want their golden parachutes; Greece could use a hand; Winkelvii twins say this is Bitcoin's year; "Florida Man Slashes Tires After Woman Takes His Bingo Seat"; and more.

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Opening Bell: 5.24.17

Moody's downgrades China; Ford's ex-CEO got booted over Trump tantrum; Uber, bitcoin called ponzi schemes; there is a blind baseball announcer; and more.