We're not saying that working at Deutsche Bank these days is worse than being the White House staffer tasked with holding the pillow that Sean Spicer alternately punches and cries into after every White House press briefing, but when your bank announces a $2 billion quarterly loss after trading away your bonuses to the DoJ and your CEO apologizes publicly for all the bad shit you've done in the last decade...well... it's way worse to work at Deutshce Bank.
And we're not even factoring in the part about senior leadership guys in London standing up and telling everyone that bonuses will be back this year causing London-based traders who know that he's lying through his teeth to openly revolt. Or that Deutsche is still paying other hefty fines and dealing with a capitalization situation that could most optimistically be described as 'troubling.' Things at Deutsche are so bad that the bank has even taken to blocking snarky finance bloggers on Twitter.
But there is some good news! Deutsche Bank is reportedly planning on releasing a bunch of people from the agonizing purgatory that is working at Deutsche Bank:
Deutsche Bank AG plans to cut as much as 17% of its equities staff and 6% of its fixed-income staff globally, with notices planned for many employees next week, according to people familiar with the matter.
The cuts, details of which haven’t been reported, are aimed at bringing the number of people working in the bank’s trading unit in line with a narrower array of products on offer, and reflect disappointing performance, particularly in equities, the people say.
The 17% and 6% figures are targeted reductions for the whole year, and the cuts expected to be announced next week could be slightly less than those amounts, one of the people said. That is partially because Deutsche Bank expects some employees to depart voluntarily, the person said.
Expecting a mass exodus is the soundest thinking we've heard out of Deutsche in many moons. So how many people do they anticipate being left to lay off?
Based on current staff numbers in the equities and debt-trading businesses, the cuts could affect more than 200 people in equities and 100 people in fixed income, including traders, salespeople and specialists who structure trades, one of the people said.
So it seems like Johnny Cryan is not down with Dan Loeb's analysis that Trump's presidency will make stock-picking great again. In fact, Cryan's layoff plans indicate that he sees the near-term opportunity less like a pre-family vacation Las Vegas golden age and more like a post-Trump Atlantic City dystopia.
So congrats to all you current DBers on your new jobs in asset management.