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Facebook Officially Toying With Snap Stock Price Like A Sadistic Cat Playing With A Captured Mouse

The Zuck don't fuck around.

When Snap IPO'ed a few weeks back and everyone lost their minds a little bit over how cool it was and how huge it was gonna be, Mark Zuckerberg likely giggled and thought "Aww, this shit is adorable."


See, The Zuck has known all along that he could destroy the Snapchat part of Snap with just a wink to his developers. But he was likely planning on having more fun with it by saying something like "Unleash Hell" and watching the metrics pop as Facebook stole massive amounts of market share from Snapchat with its own ephemeral photo and video apps. Kind of like how it's already destroying Snapchat by copying it on Instagram and WhatsApp.

But this being The Zuck, he was going to wait. What's the fun in destroying Snap so quickly when he could make it sweat and watch Snap tell everyone that it's "a camera company" that makes like one camera and that camera is a pair of hideous yellow sunglasses capable of taking photos and video? And also, holding his finger above the doomsday button while Evan Spiegel runs around with his supermodel fiancee pretending to be the next Mark Zuckerberg is just too sadistically rich an experience to cut short. There is only one Mark Zuckerberg, thought The Zuck, and he's about to fuck up your soon as it feels right.

The Zuck was enjoying this exquisite torture. He was maybe even considering letting Snap get as far as its first quarterly "earnings" report.

But like most fun things, the beautiful tension seems to have been ruined by underwriters. See, when all of SNAP's underwriters colluded on their praise of it almost immediately after the quiet period ended yesterday, The Zuck was clearly irked. It's all fun and games letting a company exist at your whim, but that shit stops being cute when Goldman Sachs throws up a "buy" rating.

So, The Zuck had no choice, you guys. He unleashed hell.

Snap Inc. shares slid Tuesday as rival Facebook said it was rolling out features that ramp up competition in the disappearing-photo app space.
Snap’s stock declined 5% in morning trade to $22.64, reversing a 4.8% boost on Monday that followed a slew of bullish analyst reports. Facebook said Tuesday it would roll out three camera-centric features to its main Facebook app, including one for photos and videos that disappear after a day, much like the Snapchat Stories that Snap first popularized. Facebook shares were up 0.1% in morning trade, matching a 0.1% rise in the S&P 500.

While this was swift and cruel, you could argue that The Zuck showed admirable restraint by not Facetiming Spiegel and saying "Take off those stupid Spectacles, Evan, I want to see your tears."

Snap Erases Gain as Facebook Adds Camera Features [WSJ]



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