Opening Bell: 3.14.17

Robert Shiller is doing that thing he always does; Carl Icahn strikes fear into the heart of AIG; Texas bill would ban male masturbation; and more.
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Why Robert Shiller Is Worried About the Trump Rally (BBG)
The last time Robert Shiller heard stock-market investors talk like this in 2000, it didn’t end well for the bulls. “They’re both revolutionary eras,” says Shiller, who’s famous for his warnings about the dot-com mania and housing-market excesses that led to the global financial crisis. “This time a ‘Great Leader’ has appeared. The idea is, everything is different.”

Trouble ahead for PE investors? (FT Alphaville)
The most reasonable best-case scenario for LPs is that a new downturn hits soon, quickly presenting general partners an opportunity to ramp up their spending without pushing purchase prices even higher than they are today. Whether this is the likeliest scenario is a different question.

TPG Capital scraps plan for IPO: sources (NYP)
No private equity firm has taken itself public since 2014, when Ares Management listed its shares. Since then, Ares has been mired in a buyout of Neiman Marcus that has left the retailer saddled with debt as the luxury market founders. Such disasters haven’t gone unnoticed on Wall Street, according to Oppenheimer’s Kotowski. “The beginning of the end came when [Apollo’s Leon] Black said a few years ago they were selling everything that was not nailed down,” Kotowski said. “Since then, everyone has been asking if this is the right time to own these stocks.”

The Most Important Player in the AIG CEO Resignation: Carl Icahn (WSJ)
Last month, AIG posted one of its worst quarterly results since the financial crisis, with major setbacks in the global insurance firm’s turnaround plan. The AIG directors feared disruption if they didn’t quickly address concerns from Mr. Icahn and some directors about the CEO’s ability to complete the turnaround, people familiar with the matter said. So they pushed for Mr. Hancock to step aside, the people said. A decision “to stand by [Mr. Hancock] would carry the threat if not the reality of a battle with Carl,’’ said a person familiar with the matter.

Tillerson Used ‘Alias’ Email for Climate Messages, N.Y. Says (BBG)
New York says Secretary of State Rex Tillerson used an email alias to discuss climate change while he was Exxon Mobil Corp.’s chief executive: Wayne Tracker. Tillerson sent messages from the account to discuss the risks posed by climate change, New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman said in a court filing about his office’s fraud investigation of the company. Tillerson, whose middle name is Wayne, used the Wayne Tracker account on the Exxon system from at least 2008 through 2015, Schneiderman said.

Drugs, hot tubs and ‘flow dojos’ are part of a CEO’s work life (FT)
Mr Wheal, talking in between heli-skiing outings (he cannot be accused of armchair analysis), says executives and entrepreneurs are “microdosing” on illicit substances and submitting to transcranial magnetic stimulation — normally used to treat depression — in search of creative highs.

JPMorgan aims for cool factor in recruitment battle between tech and banks (CNBC)
Competition between banks and tech companies to snag top talent is nothing new, but it's in part prompting JPMorgan to step up its recruitment efforts by hosting pop-up cafes at campuses from the U.S. to Hong Kong. The events range from offering free made-to-order smoothies to customized notebooks.

SXSW is just one more place to stare at your phone (The Verge)
SXSW is a lot like many other events now, where people pay money to fly in from all over the world to gather in one centralized location and benefit from the exchange of ideas but in actuality are staring at their smartphones a good portion of the time.

Texas State Representative proposes law requiring men to pay fines for unregulated masturbation (Daily News)
Hoping to shed light on the sensitive topic, Jessica Farrar (D-Houston) suggested men be required to pay fines for "unregulated masturbatory emissions.” If the legislation passes, men would also be subject to a rectal examination in order to be prescribed Viagra or undergo vasectomy and colonoscopy procedures.

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