We have spent the last half hour staring at a regulatory filing so sublime in its inherent ridiculousness that we are rendered almost speechless by its beauty.
You see, according to this SEC Form 3 filed late last month, Steve Cohen has taken an aggressive stake in Build-A-Bear Workshop Inc., a company that makes teddy bears. So, we now live in a world where Steve Cohen owns almost 15% of a teddy bear company.
Now some of you might be trying to think what Steve Cohen wants with a teddy bear company, but why? Sure, BBW's stock price seems to be in something of a 2017 freefall, and sure Steve could take advantage of the company's technology to build a "Black Edge Bear" that whispers information about confidential drug trials when you push its belly, and sure it's fun to make Preet Bharara think of him every time he sees a child hugging their best stuffed friend, but that's all secondary to the simple fact that Steve Cohen does teddy bears now. And isn't that really all we need to know?
Steve Cohen is not SAC anymore, he's Point72 Steve Cohen; a good man who has been misunderstood by a cruel world. A man who might just want to fill his days with making people happy by giving them personalized teddy bears and if he makes a little money while doing it, well, that's just extra stuffin.'
So in an uncertain world like ours, just take a moment to take in the fact that at some point in late February, Steve Cohen berated his investment team to "Get me every goddamn share in Build-A-Bear that you can, NOW!" and then retreated to his inner sanctum, where he picked up his bespoke Guy Fi-Bear-i and whispered sweetly "I just made you so many new friends..."