In case you haven't heard, 2016 was Bill Ackman's 'annus horribilis.'
Over the course of 12 excruciating months, The Ack Man went from being Wall Street's aging golden boy to finance's answer to the biblical Job. But through it all, Billy Acks has always had one place to seek refuge, one spot to find solitude from all the mounting losses and negative noise, one personal Eden where even Old Man Icahn can't bully him; The tennis court.
But, alas, it seems like these days Ackman can't even find solace with a racket in his hand...
Just before matches began at the Finance Cup tennis tournament near Miami Beach, bankers and investors huddled around hedge-fund manager Bill Ackman to hear him riff about the stakes for his portfolio.
The annual event, which marked its third year on Saturday, pits American financial professionals including Ackman against their European counterparts. To hear him tell it, the U.S. victory in 2015 coincided with the peak of his investing prowess. “And then I made the mistake of losing and my career fell apart,” he said, prompting nervous laughter from the crowd.
Oh, Billy. What have they done to you? You gotta hang in there for the kids at Pershing Square! And are you really going to let Uncle Carl have the privilege of seeing you lying broken and insane while he burns his Herbalife shares in a ritualistic victory bonfire, his cackling face lit by the flames?
Keep it together, man!
Ackman’s remarks also included a quip about how he had learned from “The Donald” -- as in President Trump -- to “make America great again.” And he joked that British players would be excluded from next year’s cup on account of the U.K.’s plan to leave the European Union.
Oh no, you guys, it's even worse than we thought...