Skip to main content

Deutsche Bank Now Suffering The Indignity Of Watching Senior People Risk Career Suicide By Defecting To Credit Suisse

It's starting to dawn on Deutsche Bank that senior executives are pretty keen on - like - getting bonuses or whatever.

You've got to hand it to Deutsche Bank, no other bank had the brass balls to experiment with sacrificing its 2016 bonuses to the Gods of Really Old Mistakes with the hypothesis that everything will be fine next year.


But like a small child conducting research on what large household items can be flushed down the toilet, Deutsche Bank is seeing that not all experiments end with happy results...and sometimes you end up covered in shit. Like watching key executives in Asia defect to Credit Suisse:

Credit Suisse Group AG has hired two senior equities executives in Asia from Deutsche Bank AG, a person familiar with the matter said, amid a restructuring of the Swiss bank’s global markets business and a recent leadership change in the region.
Neil Hosie will join Credit Suisse as head of equities for the Asia-Pacific region, and Patrick Kelly has been hired as Asia-Pacific head of equity client trading and execution, the person said, asking not to be identified because the matter hasn’t been publicly disclosed. Both men resigned from the German bank last week, according to people familiar with the matter.

Defecting from Deutsche Bank to Credit Suisse is like leaving your spouse for their identical twin, but that twin has less money in the bank and an unmedicated mood disorder.

And to make matters worse, Deutsch Bank is also seeing senior people make even stranger decisions in their desperation to escape the reign of Cryan:

[O]ne executive, Holger Knittel, took a new job in the bank’s home town of Frankfurt.

Well now that he's free of Deutsche, Holger Knittel can apparently "enjoy" Frankfurt. Yeah, we've never heard of anyone doing that either.

What we're seeing is Deutsche Bank executives leave Deutsche Bank just to get away from Deutsche Bank. So it seems fair to say that Deutsche's little experiment is not going great.

Credit Suisse Said to Hire Deutsche Bank Equities Executives [Bloomberg]



Bonus Watch '17: Deutsche Bank Bonus Pool More Like A Sad, Shallow Shower Puddle Of Bonuses

Deutsche Bank's mismanagement of this year's bonus season is like a new form of performance art.


Deutsche Bank Exec Appears To Be Totally Unaware That Deutsche Bank Is Headquartered In Germany

New rule: The only bank not allowed to bitch about moving to Frankfurt is the one already fucking based there.


Advisor To Credit Suisse Shareholders Reasonably Sure That No One Running Credit Suisse Deserves To Get Paid

If bank CEOs can't take a bonus despite persistent losses, what the fuck are we even doing here?


Deutsche Bank Admits That Sometimes It Feels Like It's Still Living In The Hellscape Of 2015

John Cryan explains why Deutsche Bank missed huge again, and ponders the existence of joy.


Morale Inside Deutsche Bank Is Pretty Scheiße Right Now

Deutsche Bankers are feeling die Götterdämmerung.


Deutsche Bank To Try Reshuffling The Deck Chairs On "The Teutonic"

Cryan's IPO of last resort will be paired with a fun round of "senior executive musical chairs."


Deutsche Bank Survivors Now Devoting Their Lives To Saving The Next Generation From Deutsche Bank

Even John Cryan would be hard-pressed to disagree that working at Deutsche Bank is bad for you.