James Gorman Can’t Wait To Pick Up The Check At The Next Bank CEO Kaffeeklatsch

It's the least he can do, what with all these fixed-income trading billions.
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When America’s top bankers next meet for their periodic get-together to talk shop, bitch about regulation and issue directives to the secret world government, you can expect a somewhat different dynamic. That’s because God has decided to give the Job treatment to his chosen bank, Goldman Sachs, for a while. And while you might expect Brian Moynihan to be too shy to make the most of his (probably only) opportunity to rub Lloyd Blankfein’s face in his success—that is, assuming he’s recovered from the shock of it and is able to communicate again—and Mike Corbat to go with the, “I’ve been there, brother,” routine, there’s no way Lloyd will be able to miss the shit-eating, “this went even better than I expected” grin plastered across Morgan Stanley chief James Gorman’s Down Under sheep-fucking face.

The biggest surprise was $1.71 billion in revenue from Morgan Stanley’s fixed-income desk, which trades corporate and government bonds, currencies and commodities. For years the runt of the Wall Street litter, the business is showing steady progress after a leadership change and a raft of layoffs last year.

The unit has now strung together four quarters of $1 billion-plus revenue, a goal cautiously laid out 10 months ago by Chief Executive James Gorman. And this quarter, the fixed-income desk added another feather to its cap: besting Goldman, which reported $1.69 billion in fixed-income trading revenue.

Morgan Stanley Trades Its Way Past Goldman [WSJ]

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James Gorman Is Not Amused

What the hell is wrong with you people?

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James Gorman Worried He Won’t Set Another Earnings Record Next Quarter

I mean, sure, a 50% jump in profits seems great, but he wouldn’t want to set expectations too high.

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James Gorman Has A Nifty New Euphemism For ‘Pay Cut’

Morgan Stanley decides compensation is only for closers.

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Your Bonus Had To Die So That James Gorman’s Could Live

Congrats to Jim Gorman on a strong quarter...wait, really?

Bloomberg: Not One Bank CEO Can Fill Jamie Dimon's Shoes, Especially Not That Guy From Australia Who Doesn't Own An Iron

Earlier today, Bloomberg ran a lengthy piece about the latest crisis on Wall Street: a lack of Jamie Dimon. Specifically, a lack of Jamie Dimon telling meddlesome regulators, anti-industry populists, know-nothing Congressmen, and hypocrite bastard newspapers where they can go and what they can suck. True, it's not as though he's gone anywhere, and he's still reminding people "it's a free fucking country" but "juggling multiple investigations and a $5.8 billion trading loss on wrong-way bets on credit derivatives" has left his hands a little tied and, some believe, cost him his once untouchable "stature" in the industry. And while one should never simply offer problems without solutions, Bloomberg isn't gonna sugarcoat this one: when it comes to "any kind of credible statesmen" to step in for JD, Wall Street is shit out of luck and not just because no one besides Lloyd came close in sales of their respective Bankers At Work And Play pin-up calendars. Among current CEO's, Lloyd Blankfein, Brian Moynihan and Vikram Pandit are deemed too busy "fixing their own firms or repairing their reputations," while Wells Fargo chief John Stumpf, though respected among his peers, is ruled out due to geography (“Part of Jamie’s fitting into that role was his natural brashness as a Wall Streeter and New Yorker, and that is not John"). But hey, what about that James Gorman guy? Runs Morgan Stanley, is based in New York, has been known to put a foot up an ass when necessary? Don't even get Bloomberg started. James Gorman, 54...doesn’t fit the Wall Street titan stereotype. The Australian prefers a rumpled tuxedo he bought as a business school student in 1980 to Armani for black- tie events, and he stocks Vegemite in the executive kitchen. Or maybe perhaps all that makes him perfect for the gig? The way we see it, Jim Gorman doesn't have the time or patience for fancy extras like unwrinkled suits and burgers made from foie gras-fed cows. All he cares about is not taking shit, or prisoners. Someone asks him, "What is this Vegemite stuff," he knocks their two front teeth out. You suggest maybe he could have ironed his shirt before that gala, he takes out that iron and smashes you in the face with it. You want a worthy successor for the job, you've got him. Wall Street Leaderless In Rules Fight As Dimon Diminished [Bloomberg]

Confidential To The Haters: Check Back In With James Gorman About Facebook In A Year

Until then, step off, bitch. Morgan Stanley Chairman and Chief Executive James Gorman defended the securities firm's role in Facebook's tumultuous initial public offering, telling employees internally that the firm worked "100% within the rules" and calling the steep decline in Facebook's stock "disappointing." Mr. Gorman, in a weekly strategy meeting Tuesday that was later webcast to employees, said "speculation of nefarious activity" surrounding the social networking company's IPO is untrue. Contrary to some reports, he said, he wasn't "aware of any dissent" among the underwriting firms regarding Facebook's IPO price of $38 a share. The discussion, called a strategy forum, is held weekly at the firm. The event, which Mr. Gorman attends periodically, features commentary from analysts and economists and is linked to on the company's internal website. Mr. Gorman told employees to "be proud of the job your colleagues did [in the Facebook IPO process] and don't judge us based upon what happened over a couple of days." Commenting on Facebook's stock performance, Mr. Gorman acknowledged the first day of trading "matters" but added investors should also judge an IPO based on its share price after 30 days, 90 days and 12 months. Morgan Stanley Chief Defends Facebook Handling [WSJ]

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Paranoia Pays Off For James Gorman

Morgan Stanley paid $124 million to make people go away and still set profit records.

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Bonus Watch ’20: Last Year Would Have Been A Great One To Work At Goldman, Morgan Stanley If Not For, You Know…

D-Sol and J-Gorm really would like to share they year’s bounty with you, but they just can’t right now.