Opening Bell: 4.7.17

JPMorgan-GE romance could be ending; Julian Robertson kills his darlings; farewell to Don Rickles; and more.
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JPMorgan Could Lose This 125-Year-Old Revenue Stream (BBG)
The good times for dealmaking may be ending, or at least slowing down, as GE’s new portfolio takes shape. Its bond sales -- and the fees those bring -- are also tapering off. The company paid only $96 million in debt-related fees last year, the lowest amount in 15 years.

Exclusive: Billionaire investor Julian Robertson pulls plug on protégés fund (Reuters)
Billionaire investor Julian Robertson is shutting a portfolio that let outsiders bet with him on would-be star managers and has exited entirely from former protégée Nehal Chopra's Ratan Capital Management, according to recent regulatory filings. The closure of Tiger Management Advisors LLC's six-year-old Tiger Accelerator Fund comes after poor performance and sharp declines in assets at its underlying hedge fund firms.

Here's What Trump's Syria Strike Did to Markets, as Impact Eases (BBG)
“The markets will just be very jittery all day,” said James Audiss, senior wealth manager at Shaw and Partners Ltd. by phone from Sydney. “Markets have been looking for a reason to sell off. The uncertainty that surrounds this gives them a definite cause to do that and there’s absolute spillover into the South Korean market because of the North Korean situation.”

A trip to Barclays archives shows the value analysts can bring (FT)
Up until 1969, Barclays, like all British banks, was able to use “inner” or hidden reserves to smooth their annual results. Pierce found that in the postwar period in particular, smoothing gave way to outright understatement of both equity and profitability — so much so that in 1969, when full disclosure finally arrived, Barclays’ stated equity more than doubled. For whatever reason, Barclays had wanted to keep its outperformance secret.

How Hackers Hijacked A Bank's Entire Online Operation (Wired)
The traditional model of hacking a bank isn’t so different from the old-fashioned method of robbing one. Thieves get in, get the goods, and get out. But one enterprising group of hackers targeting a Brazilian bank seems to have taken a more comprehensive and devious approach: One weekend afternoon, they rerouted all of the bank’s online customers to perfectly reconstructed fakes of the bank’s properties, where the marks obediently handed over their account information.

Would You Buy an ETF Without Knowing What’s In It? (BBG)
Eaton Vance wasn’t shy about pointing out its rival’s difficulties. It used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain a letter the SEC sent about its concerns to McCabe’s lawyer—and published it. During a call with industry analysts, Thomas Faust Jr., Eaton Vance’s chairman, used it to question the viability of Precidian’s structure. “Nobody has ever done this in our industry before,” McCabe says.

Goldman Sachs: space-mining for platinum is 'more realistic than perceived' (Business Insider)
There is just one problem: That same asteroid would instantly tank the entire platinum market: "Successful asteroid mining would likely crater the global price of platinum, with a single 500-meter-wide asteroid containing nearly 175X the global output, according to MIT's Mission 2016."

Tesla fans, Barclays has a ‘reality pill’ for you (MarketWatch)
The analysts on Thursday used the red pill/blue pill analogy popularized by “The Matrix“ to list all the ways a reality check (a red “reality” pill, they said) is needed for Tesla. Investors seem to be happy living in a constructed reality, swallowing the blue pill in their extended metaphor, in which pure momentum is carrying the stock, they said. Despite Barclays’ sell rating on the stock based on fundamentals, the analysts said they saw no data points in the near term that will reverse that momentum, thanks to the dedicated investors.

Don Rickles, Comedy’s Equal Opportunity Offender, Dies at 90 (NYT)
Mr. Rickles got his first break, the story goes, when Sinatra and some of his friends came to see him perform in 1957 — in Hollywood, according to most sources, although Mr. Rickles said it was in Miami. “Make yourself at home, Frank,” Mr. Rickles said to Sinatra, whom he had never met. “Hit somebody.” Sinatra laughed so hard, he fell out of his seat.

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Opening Bell: 12.15.17

JPMorgan likes the look of that there stock market; Deutsche Bank misses having the dirtiest bank in the world as its customer; maybe low wages lead to slow productivity, not vice versa?; finance bros dig crystals now; and more.

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Opening Bell: 1.30.17

JPMorgan borrows a page from Amazon; John Taylor returns; French hamsters are taking up cannibalism; and more.

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Opening Bell: 12.7.16

Big fine for JPMorgan; Citi trader pounded the Pound; nude cop hijinks; and more.

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Opening Bell: 11.18.16

"Princeling" hiring practices exposed; Henry Kravis got Trump cabinet call; nuns win battle against strip club; and more.

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Opening Bell: 3.17.21

Jamie’s kids are coming back; Morgan Stanley will let you invest in bitcoins (if it trusts you); Ray Dalio has a new mistake to love; and more!

Photo: Bob Riha Jr/Getty Images

Opening Bell: 10.5.16

Julian Robertson sees 'a lot of sharks in the water looking to eat us right up'; Bill Gross says markets are 'a casino'; Twitter investor Chris Sacca suggests Twitter sucks; British man solves 'world's smallest Rubik's cube' with tweezers; and more.

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Opening Bell: 9.10.20

Don’t deposit your illegally-obtained stimulus money in your bank account with your employer; TikTok, Trump look for face-savings; Paul Singer thinks maybe oil company shouldn’t sell itself; fleeces very nearly coming to Flushing; and more!

Opening Bell: 12.04.12

Banks Rediscover Money Management Again As Trading Declines (Bloomberg) Global banks, forced by regulators to reduce their dependence on profits from high-risk trading, have rediscovered the appeal of the mundane business of managing money for clients. Deutsche Bank is now counting on the fund unit it failed to sell to help boost return on equity, a measure of profitability. UBS is paring investment banking as it focuses on overseeing assets for wealthy clients. Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan Chase and Wells Fargo, three of the five biggest U.S. banks, are considering expanding asset- management divisions as they seek to grab market share from fund companies such as Fidelity Investments. “Asset management is a terrific business,” said Ralph Schlosstein, chief executive officer of Evercore Partners Inc., a New York-based boutique investment bank that last month agreed to buy wealth manager Mt. Eden Investment Advisors LLC. “Asset managers earn fees consistently without risking capital. Compare that to other businesses in the financial services.” Hedge Funds Win as Europe Will Pay More for Greek Bonds (Bloomberg) Hedge funds drove up prices for Greek sovereign debt last week after determining that European finance ministers would back off a pledge to pay no more than about 28 percent of face value to retire the nation’s bonds. Money managers correctly wagered that not enough bondholders would participate at that level to get the deal done. That would put at risk bailout funds that Greece needs to stave off economic collapse. Transactions involving Greek bonds “increased by the day” after it became clear that the buyback was going to happen, with hedge funds accounting for most of the purchases, said Zoeb Sachee, the London-based head of European government bond trading at Citigroup Inc. “If all goes according to plan, everybody wins,” Sachee said. “Hedge funds must have bought lower than here. If it isn’t successful, Greece risks default and everybody loses.” GE's Swiss lending unit for sale, UBS to bid (Reuters) General Electric Co wants to sell its Swiss consumer lending business, two sources familiar with the matter said, with UBS one of the parties interested in a deal that could be worth up to 1.5 billion Swiss francs ($1.62 billion). The sources told Reuters that UBS was one of at least two parties who plan to submit bids in an auction process. "GE wants to finalize the sale of GE Money Bank by the end of the first quarter," said one of the sources. Brian Moynihan: 'Fiscal Cliff' Repercussions Could Stretch in 2014 (CNBC) "I'm more concerned about business behavior slowing down than I am about consumer behavior," Moynihan told "Squawk Box." "I think we're in danger if this thing strings out into 2013 that you could start to have problems of what 2014 would look like." Icahn Fails In Oshkosh Tender Offer (WSJ) The activist investor was tendered only a meek 22% of shares in an offer he used essentially as a proxy for whether shareholders would support his board nominees. Icahn, who had pledged to drop the offer and his proxy fight if he didn’t receive at least 25% of shares tendered, says he is indeed dropping the tender offer. Ex-baseball star Lenny Dykstra sentenced in bankruptcy fraud case (Reuters) Lenny Dykstra, the 1980s World Series hero who pleaded guilty earlier this year to bankruptcy fraud, was sentenced on Monday to six months in federal prison and ordered to perform 500 hours of community service. The 49-year-old former ballplayer - who is already serving time in state prison for grand theft auto, lewd conduct and assault with a deadly weapon - was also ordered to pay $200,000 in restitution. In the federal case, Dykstra pleaded guilty in July to bankruptcy fraud and other charges. According to the written plea agreement, he admitted defrauding his creditors by declaring bankruptcy in 2009, then stealing or destroying furnishings, baseball memorabilia and other property from his $18.5 million mansion. Teacher disciplined for receiving foot massages from students (SLT) A Taylorsville Elementary School teacher has returned to his third-grade classroom after being disciplined for violating professional standards after students reported they scratched his back, rubbed his feet and had other inappropriate contact while at school. Granite School District officials found no criminal conduct by elementary teacher Bryan Watts, 53, who has worked at the school since 2004, but the district claims to have taken "appropriate disciplinary action" following complaints about Watts...Granite District police Detective Randall Porter started an investigation into Watts’ conduct Oct. 9 after a mother expressed concern to the district after her daughter reported odd classroom behavior by Watts. "She complained that her daughter [name redacted] told her that Watts asks students to rub his feet and back during ‘movie time,’ that Watts told the class that they should not tell their parents about activities that happen in the classroom, and that Watts scared a student by hitting a hammer on the student’s desk," Porter wrote in his 19-page report...officials also said there were student statements about odd activities, including playing dodgeball in Watts’ classroom. Knight Capital May Go It Alone (NYP) Knight Capital’s board emerged from another meeting yesterday to review dueling takeover offers without making a decision. Both Getco and Virtu Financial have made bids for the Jersey City, NJ-based Knight, which had to be bailed out several months ago after a $460 million trading glitch nearly tanked the firm. “[Knight] can still decide to remain independent. That’s a real possibility,” said one source familiar with the bidding process. Top US Firms Are Cash-Rich Abroad, Cash-Poor At Home (WSJ) With billions of dollars overseas that may never come back, the Securities and Exchange Commission is concerned that companies haven't been presenting investors with an honest appraisal of their liquidity. As a result, regulators are pressing companies to more clearly lay out how much of their cash is in the U.S. and how much is overseas and potentially encumbered by U.S. taxes. UBS Near Libor Deal (Reuters) UBS is nearing a deal to settle claims some of its staff manipulated interest rates, and could reach agreement with US and British authorities by the end of the year, a source said yesterday. Britain’s Barclays was fined $453 million in June for manipulating Libor benchmark interest rates, and remains the only bank to settle in the investigation, which led to the resignation of the bank’s chairman and CEO. Calpers Crusader Takes Aim At Fees (WSJ) Mr. Desrochers, a 65-year-old native of Canada who last year became head of private-equity investing for the California Public Employees' Retirement System, has told buyout funds to reduce fees if they want cash from the $241 billion pension goliath, one of the nation's largest private-equity investors. He has pushed for Calpers to pay management fees below the industry's standard of 1% or more and asked for performance fees below the usual 15% to 20% of gains, according to people who have dealt with him. Mike Tyson: Brad Pitt Had Sex With My Wife (NYP) Mike Tyson claims that he caught Pitt having sex with his ex-wife, Robin Givens, while they were in the middle of their divorce in the late eighties. Tyson, who was shortly married to Givens from 1988 to 1989, said he and the actress were still sleeping with each other during their separation. "I was getting a divorce, but... every day, before I would go to my lawyer's office to say 'she's a pig and stealing,' I would go to her house to have sex with her," Tyson said on the Yahoo! Sports show “In Depth with Graham Bensinger.” "This particular day, someone beat me to the punch. And I guess Brad got there earlier than I did." How did the heavyweight boxer react? "I was mad as hell...You should have saw his face when he saw me," Tyson said.