Cerberus Ready To Make Faltering Soft-Core Porn Co. Great Again

Get ready for Abercrombie & Feinberg!
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A few months back, Cerberus Capital Management founder Stephen Feinberg announced he’d figured out the perfect turnaround opportunity: the U.S. intelligence community. He let his good friend President Trump know that he was ready to heed the call of duty at a moment’s notice, rooting out the disloyalty and inefficiency of the nation’s spy agencies in service of Making America Great Again.

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In spite of his normal enthusiasm for really bad ideas, the president put Feinberg off, expressing confidence that “we’re going to be able to straighten it out very easily on its own.” In the ensuing months, it has become clear that it’s not just intelligence agencies that don’t think much of the commander-in-chief—it’s the entire government, including the back-biting sycophants surrounding the Oval Office itself. In short, Feinberg won’t be leading a restructuring of the CIA, NSA, FBI and the rest of the National Intelligence establishment.

But don’t you worry about old Steve: He’s keeping plenty busy. Shortly after nominating himself for a job that didn’t exist, Cerberus took on the equally difficult task of turning things around at Avon Products. But both of those pale in comparison to his latest potential project: Making Abercrombie & Fitch cool (and profitable) again.

Private-equity firm Cerberus Capital Management is working on a bid for teen-apparel retailer Abercrombie & Fitch Co. alongside American Eagle Outfitters Inc., which could give American Eagle a leg up in the pursuit of its struggling rival….

It isn’t clear how any potential bid from American Eagle and Cerberus would be structured or how much they might offer, but with the buyout firm’s deep pockets and American Eagle’s ability to reap cost savings from a combination, the group may be able to put together a more compelling proposal than others.

Cerberus, American Eagle Work on Joint Bid for Abercrombie & Fitch [WSJ]

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