Jamie Dimon Asks JPM Employees: What's It Gonna Take To Put You In This Cherry New Jag Today?

Now you JPMers have a way to haul all your Vineyard Vines gear up to the actual Vineyard.
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We should all be so lucky to work for Jamie Dimon.

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Not only does the Khaleesi of Wall Street do dope shit like setting up a Vineyard Vines pop-up store in the lobby of 270 Park so JPM employees can get their brand-new periwinkle polo shirts monogrammed in-house while they're upstairs crushing deals like BALLERS, he apparently goes so far as to realize that his people deserve better than shoving those sweet VV threads into canvas sail bags and packing onto a Hamption Jitney as if they were common Citi bankers.

No no no, Jamie wants his people cramming the LIE in style.

Per a tipster inside 270 Park, Jamie wants to sell JPMers some Jaguars and Land Rovers, and he's gonna make them an offer they can't refuse:

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Aside from the weird punishment of making them eat British food, this sounds like a sweet little deal for JPMers. And according to what we saw on the internal email, 270 Parkers were even invited to a super-cool Land Rover VR experience yesterday in a clear attempt to let them take a break from their Bloomberg terminals and feel the excitement of being a wealthy person with a popped collar who loves status symbols, pretends to be outdoorsy and doesn't give a shit about gas mileage.

Apparently everyone at JPM corporate was smart enough to realize that the Jaguar VR experience is just holding up a mirror to one's own inadequacies and therefore not ideal for market hours.

But while putting a shiny sexy Jag and an imposing Land Rover in the lobby of 270 Park mights strike some people as a little tone-deaf, it's hard to imagine that Jamie won't move a few units as senior bankers strolling into work are bound to let their minds drift to hazy afternoons spent inside a crowded Jitney idling in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the LIE and think "Not TODAY, Satan!"

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