According To New Book, Uber Doesn't Really Understand How Going Public Works

We aren't getting a Travis/Elon bromance, but the Uber IPO could still be an entertaining disaster.
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According to Bloomberg, Travis Kalanick heard that a guy wanted to write a book-length expose about the inner workings of Uber and thought to himself "I better tell him everything."

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Uber Technologies Inc. Chief Executive Officer Travis Kalanick rang up Tesla Inc. CEO Elon Musk last year to propose a partnership on self-driving cars, according to an upcoming book.
The discussion came after Apple Inc. invested $1 billion in Didi Chuxing, then a fierce competitor of Uber in China. Kalanick pitched Musk on teaming up against Apple, according to Wild Ride, a book by Fortune magazine’s Adam Lashinsky scheduled for release next week.

But before you get too excited about the inevitable clusterfuck that would be a Musky Kalanick "alliance," we should warn you about a potential priapism because this is how that discussion apparently went...

“I said, ‘Look man, we should partner,’” Kalanick recalled in the book. “Elon spent the rest of the call convincing me that it’s too far out, and it’s not realistic, that I should just stick to what we do best and be focused, or I’m going to f--- it all up. That’s when I knew Tesla was competing.”

Well, let's just say they were both right.

But that's not even the best thing Travis disclosed. The biggest reveal yet to occur in Uber's nightmarishly entertaining pre-IPO fan dance is when and how the thing is going public after draining money from the private market like a Millennial vampire with an eating disorder. And judging from Travis' thoughts, some of the IPO plans are fucking terrible...

On a private jet last summer, Kalanick said Uber may not need investment bankers to go public, according to the book. Michael, who has overseen much of Uber’s fundraising efforts in recent years, said the company could instead conduct a reverse merger, in which Uber would buy a public company in order to list its shares on the market. 

Oh...wow. Well we guess we know who's buying Etsy. 

A reverse merger? That's exactly what the Saudis were hoping for when they plowed $3.5 billion into Uber last summer. Like many of Travis private investors, they were fucking dreaming of getting back a stock diluted by an already public company that Kalanick bought on the cheap with their cash. Elon warned him he was gonna fuck this up.

And then there's this:

Kalanick offered another idea: Instead of paying bankers 3 percent of the money raised, the company could donate the fees to charity. 

Oh, just shut the fuck up already. You're Uber! Just be yourself!

Tesla Rebuffed Uber Partnership on Self-Driving Cars in 2016 [Bloomberg]

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