It would be hard to name two corporate executives at more distant ends of their respective career trajectories than Travis Kalanick and Jamie Dimon. One just got booted from the helm a company facing an existential crisis; the other is more firmly entrenched than ever at a bank that is literally too big to fail. Kalanick has made a show of promising to change himself to please America; Dimon is out to change America to please himself.

But it would also be hard to think of a big-business bromance more fated than Dimon-Kalanick. So it's appropriate that Jamie took some time out of a busy schedule entertaining world leaders to treat the Uber founder to some alpha-male lunch in D.C. this weekend – even if the experience was kind of a downer:

Dimon was in town for the presidential roundtable meeting with Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi. Kalanick seemed somber during the meal, according to CNBC global markets reporter Seema Mody. At times, it looked as if Kalanick was getting advice and Dimon was consoling him, Mody said.

There's no word on what kind of profundities Dimon shared in his cheer-up session with Silicon Valley's pariah du jour, but we have a few guesses:

• Some advice on failing upwards.
• A suggestion for a possible successor.
• Some tips on how to appeal to the current populist zeitgeist without actually really doing anything on that front.
• Stock tips.
• A quick how-to on getting politicians to love you and want to get in your pants, rather than the opposite.
• ...a job offer?

Former Uber CEO Travis Kalanick spotted grabbing lunch and advice from JPMorgan's Jamie Dimon [CNBC]