Horny Whole Foods CEO Finding It Hard To Stop At Heavy Petting While He Waits For Amazon To Put A Ring On It

All this mega-deal has to worry about is John Mackey's obvious priapism.
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Maybe we're just new to the industry but according to insiders, mega-grocery mergers sound like where financial M&A meet erotic sexual denial role-playing.

BezosMackey.Flirting

Whole Foods CEO John Mackey apparently knows what we're talking about.

Whole Foods CEO John Mackey told a room full of excited employees at a town hall meeting about his first 2½ hour meeting with Amazon — what he calls a "blind date" — and called the grocer's deal with the e-commerce giant a "historical moment."
"Mutual friends set us up on a blind date," he said about flying out to Seattle a little over a month ago. "It was truly love at first sight."

Hey we get it, if the richest person in town seduced us out of life as a middling food retail stock fending off activist investors with flaming pitchforks at our gate, we'd be pretty horned-up too. But Mackey is not a guy to engage casually with metaphor...

"It's been a whirlwind courtship," Mackey went on. "Because — [in a] little over six weeks after we met on this blind date, we're... officially engaged."

Damn, Whole Foods, don't unbutton your sweater yet! What if Amazon is just a nasty-ass player?

Mackey told employees that his company and Amazon are "engaged," like a couple, but still waiting until their transaction gets regulatory approval. The $13.7 billion deal is expected to be completed in the second half of 2017.
"Like an old traditional marriage, where there are all kinds of rules and chaperones, we can't consummate the marriage until we're officially hooked up," he said. "This is not a Tinder relationship."

So basically the most intriguing eCommerce/retail merger in history is going along swimmingly, it just has to survive the embarrassing distraction of John Mackey's literal priapism.

Whole Foods CEO John Mackey on Amazon deal: 'This is not a Tinder relationship' [CNBC]

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