The Trump Agenda Will Now Be Communicated Via The M.O.O.C.H. System

Anthony Scaramucci to be named White House Communications Director because why the fuck not at this point.
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We're old enough to remember a time when Anthony Scaramucci and Donald Trump couldn't get their stories straight about what happened in a private meeting that neither man asked to have in the first place.

Mooch.Trump

The Mooch was supporting Scott Walker's presidential bid at the time and Trump was laying the groundwork of his patently false populist campaign by taking lazy pot-shots at Goldman Sachs and "Hedge fund guys" (ie, his current senior staff and much of his cabinet). It was a strange moment in that we had come to expect obfuscation and subjective reality from Trump, but it felt bizarre to get a jumbled message from Scaramucci.

Since then, Scaramucci supported Jeb Bush before coming around to being one of Trump's most ride-or-die homies, shilling for him at every opportunity and turning SALT into SALT MAGA. Trump has of course become the actual president and created a White House that had curiously no spot for The Mooch.

For a man so obsessed with the notion of loyalty, Trump showed none to Anthony Scaramucci. But the man who embodies The MOOCH System stayed true to Trump, selling his hedge fund and taking every cable news booking to defend POTUS. For his troubles, Scaramucci was reportedly used like an in absentia political football in the West Wing, with Reince Preibus refusing to let him into the office and even losing his potential WH job to Omarosa (a thing that really happened). Every gig that Scaramucci has been rumored to be up for has been a huge step down from the one he likely deserved, something we chalked up to the roiling chaos inside the Trump White House.

But now, finally, with an unceasing litany of crises dominating the narrative of a presidency that has become openly hostile to a free press that refuses to stop criticizing it, Trump is turning to The Mooch:

President Trump is expected to announce that Wall Street financier Anthony Scaramucci will be White House communications director, according to two sources familiar with the planning.

This is...brilliant.

Hear us out. Trump is a man desperate for the press to praise him, but he has done nothing to warrant praise and continues to lash out with adolescent rage at a press corps that won't validate his voracious ego. The people he has charged to deal with press so far have taken a painfully antagonistic tone towards the media, making it even harder for Trump to see the kind of stories he wants on "Morning Joe," a show he doesn't watch but talks about constantly like a frat boy who has never watched "Sex and the City" but privately wonders why he's "Such a Miranda."

Anthony Scaramucci is nothing if not likable. In fact he is aggressively likable because he figured out long ago that his ingratiating personality was his strongest trait. Let's be honest, The Mooch is a salesman who somehow got involved with trading. SkyBridge Capital was a fund of funds, predicated not on strategy or investing acumen but on getting people's money by putting their trust in Anthony Scaramucci. He's not a financial genius but he is a staggeringly talented manager of relationships. In some respects, he's the opposite of most of Trump's senior staff. He doesn't have the leonine business reputation of Gary Cohn but he is infinitely more liked than the widely despised Kellyanne Conway and harder to ignore than clowns like Sean Spicer or zealots like Steve Bannon.

In some ways, The Mooch represents the platonic ideal of what many of us thought this administration was going to look like. More of a gentle grift than open verbal warfare. He is a much better fit communicating from within the White House than working at the Export Import Bank or carrying Trump's water in Paris on matters that neither man gives an honest shit about.

Scaramucci can do this job because he's a hard charger obsessed with spinning things into gold. He's the self-created success story and master salesman that Trump purports himself to be. In fact, if Trump is about to set his presidency on fire with a purposeful constitutional crisis, the only guy even capable of talking his way out of it is Anthony Scaramucci.

UPDATE: Looks like there's at least one person who isn't drawn to the Mooch's magnetic charm: Sean Spicer.

Mr. Trump offered Mr. Scaramucci the job at 10 a.m. The president requested that Mr. Spicer stay on, but Mr. Spicer told Mr. Trump that he believed the appointment was a major mistake, according to a person with direct knowledge of the exchange.

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