Let's start with the good news:
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has overtaken Bill Gates and is now the richest person in the world, with a fortune topping $90 billion for the first time ever.
When markets opened on Thursday, Bezos had a net worth of $90.6 billion, putting him $500 million ahead of Microsoft founder Bill Gates. Amazon stock opened up 1.6% on Thursday, adding $1.4 billion to Bezos’ net worth.
Congrats to The Beeze. By being the first to truly leverage the burgeoning power of the internet to overturn a traditional retail sectors, Bezos quickly learned the lesson that he could replicate that model across all retail sectors, using the revenue from the previous to fuel a difficult entry into the next. Then he hit on the weird notion of dominating cloud services. He is now a man surging towards $100 billion personal fortune with his own space company, his own major media company and one of the most impressive venture capital portfolios in the world. He is also suddenly shredded as fuck.
But while most Americans can swallow their envy of a swole multi-billionaire, there is one quite prominent American who is almost certainly overcome with covetous rage.
You see, it is something of a trigger for our Snowflake Commander-in-chief to hear that someone is wealthier than him, and it cannot help that Bezos is being publicly congratulated on his new physique while a lot of people keep mocking POTUS' massive derriere bursting out of tennis shorts. Seeing reports that Bezos is now the richest man is in all likelihood infuriating President The Donald right now, meaning that a inchoate revenge plot is already in the offing.
Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin hinted the administration may soon take "a position" on Amazon's tax collection policy after President Donald Trump blasted the company on the topic last month.
The crux of Mnuchin's "position" is that Amazon has driven a Mack truck through the tax loophole inherent in current internet tax rules. Half of Amazon's retail revenue comes through its role as a platform connecting third-party sellers with consumers. Essentially, much of Amazon's business is buried under layers of staggeringly obtuse tax policy that it uses to maximize profits on sales revenue. It also provides a pretty fun target for the Trump Administration to use if it wants to bother Amazon and its founder/CEO.
Just listen to Mnuchin:
"So this is an issue that we've been looking at very carefully within the administration and we expect to come out with a position shortly," Mnuchin said. "I am encouraged that Amazon is now charging tax, I believe, on their own sales but not the marketplace. I'm not sure I understand the consistency on that, but I respect the states' ability that there's an awful lot of money that's not being collected."
Yeah, but that's a vague threat on a complicated policy that requires surgical legislation to effect. This administration hates subtlety almost as much as it hates legislating, so why not just go at Bezos like the muscled juggernaut of wealth that he is?
Seriously. If Steve Bannon is all about taxing the rich to help corporations, why not create a special federal rate of 90% for Americans who make more than $1 billion in an afternoon? Or what about an effective rate of 101% on Americans with assets between $90 billion and $100 billion?
Sure, Jeff Bezos might be the most unstoppable entrepreneur in American business history (Blue Apron knows what's up), and Donald Trump might very well be a subpar developer who is worth even less than he thinks he is, but he's also The President somehow now, so why not turn that bitter resentment upside down by wielding executive power to fuel the vengeful needs of your narcissistic policy disorder?
Or at the very least just cancel Melania's Prime membership.