Skip to main content

Markets Are Rational And Efficient, 'Gary Cohn Is Resigning' Edition

With minor exceptions.
  • Author:
  • Updated:
(Getty Images)

(Getty Images)

What happens when an anonymous Twitter short-seller spreads completely unsourced news gathered from an equally anonymous alt-right terror-news aggregator that Gary Cohn is finally answering to a higher power and stepping down from his position as chief White House economics guy? Obviously, this:

The tweets in question, since deleted, were echoed elsewhere and racked up scores of retweets themselves. Otherwise sober-minded market observers openly speculated about Cohn's departure. Markets convulsed.

Then it was all revealed as bunkum and prices recovered – kind of – because markets are nothing if not a rational and efficient aggregation of all available information. Kind of.

Or maybe all those algos are just following the wrong Twitter accounts.



So, Gary Cohn, What The Actual Fuck?

You broke our cold, dark heart, Gary Cohn


Gary Cohn Subjects Larry Kudlow To Extreme Vetting

Trump economic adviser apparently resistant to ideological extremes.

(Getty Images)

Gary Cohn Isn't Not Telling People About That Time He Didn't Stop AT&T From Buying Time Warner

It really feels like The Big Grundle is giving out anonymous primo quotes to reporters about what he did in Trump's White House.

(Getty Images)

New Book Claims Gary Cohn's White House Life Is As Abjectly Miserable As We've Always Hoped

The Big Grundle is "in a constant state of shock and horror" and we can finally learn to love again.


Maybe Gary Cohn Is Just Not Bright

You're tearing us apart, Gary!