Turns out that all the markets needed to create a little volatility was the threat of nuclear war from a viciously reactive and power-crazed ruler hellbent on creating global chaos...and then a response from North Korea's Kim Jong Un.
Rising tensions between the U.S. and North Korea pressured markets Wednesday, sending stocks lower around the world.
North Korea said it was considering firing missiles at Guam, according to its official media, after President Donald Trump warned North Korea against making more threats, saying Tuesday it faces “fire and fury like the world has never seen.”
The Dow Jones Industrial Average fell 50 points, or 0.2%, to 22035 shortly after the opening bell. The S&P 500 declined 0.3% and the Nasdaq Composite shed 0.6%.
But seemingly not content to let the early dip be just another minor market shudder covered up by quants and then forgotten as we all slipped back into illogical complacency, the Leader of the Free World decided to spend his morning reminding everyone that his bottomless pit of need to be powerful makes him potentially unafraid to unleash the horror of nuclear weapons:
As of 10:40am, this is what the major indices look like:
So, yeah, they're red, but only barely. Because what is it going to take, really?
If you're one of these people who has stayed bullish on this presidency by telling colleagues, family and friends that you're just here for the inevitable passage of a Trump tax reform package that will foster a level of economic growth that makes you just money horny enough to overlook the crippling personality disorder, bad leadership, poor thinking and absurdly terrible tweeting that are the chief personality characteristics of the 45th President of the United States, are you still buying what you're shoveling? And while you've been able to not trouble yourself with those 'petty' grievances, have you noticed that this president has also managed to legislatively accomplish a sum total of "fuck all," simultaneously alienating important congressional allies in both parties who he refuses to accept he needs because they don't fit into his fragile ego cocoon of weekend campaign rallies and twice-daily propaganda folders? And also, Mueller.
Unemployment is still extremely low, tech stocks are strong again, and Janet Yellen is doing just enough not to add too much piss into the punch bowl. On those metrics and a surfeit of others, things are looking pretty cool out there.
But then again, two egomaniacal men are having a very public dick-measuring contest using nuclear warheads and one of them is the guy in titular charge of the American economy. At some point we're going to have to come to grips with the notion that having Gary Cohn and Stevie Mnuchin working to keep interest rates low and get Trump and Congress to lower the corporate tax to 15% is simply not enough to keep you calm when Donald Trump has one set of fingers on the nuclear codes and the other on his twitter account. We get that many Americans like knowing what the president feels at any given moment, but those feelings are so cravenly erratic and churlishly communicated that the only feeling we're left with is bearishness.
After all, the only stock that can survive a global nuclear holocaust is Tesla.