Skip to main content

Trump Doesn't Need Dimon, Fink, Or Schwarzman If He's Got Teen Hedge Fund Manager Jacob Wohl, Says Jacob Wohl

This is a bad idea...he should replace Gary Cohn.

We can sit here debating who did or didn't disband the White House Economic Policy Forum [it was the CEOs, not the president] all day, but all that really matters at this point is that some of the biggest names in American business are no longer pretending to play along with the terrifyingly chaotic and politically inert Trump administration.

Screen Shot 2017-08-17 at 3.34.19 PM

One of Donald Trump's favorite things to brag about was his super-team of CEOs, and he reveled in playing "Real Businessman" when he summoned the likes of Steve Schwarzman, Jamie Dimon, Larry Fink and others to the White House, creating a reality in which those financial titans showed him some facsimile of respect after years of mocking him in private. But now that whole kabuki routine is no more, and the president has been openly condemned by the very people that he was eager to show off as "The best people. The people that love Trump."

He must be feeling so lonely.

So what's a man with no understanding of his own limitations, a limited understanding of macroeconomics, and a shrinking Rolodex to do? Find new friends, of course.

Or in our case, old friends.

No sooner had President Donald Trump lost the backing of Jamie Dimon and Larry Fink than he was heralding support from a somewhat lesser financial figure: Jacob Wohl.

That's right, you guys, Trump is finding solace in the social media arms of everyone's favorite banned teenage futures trader.

Trump retweeted a post from the teenager Wednesday as members of one of the president’s now defunct business advisory councils were abandoning him after he equated neo-Nazis who held a rally in Virginia to counter-demonstrators at the event. Wohl’s message: “President Trump alone has succeeded in bringing the Stock Market, Small Business Index and Consumer Comfort to ALL TIME HIGHS! #MAGA.”

And it's not just about Twitter. Wohl is even open to replacing Dimon, Fink and Schwarzman all by himself:

He said he’s available if Trump is looking for replacements for the likes of JPMorgan Chase & Co.’s Dimon and BlackRock Inc.’s Fink, two of the members of the president’s Strategic and Policy Forum who decided to quit Wednesday. Trump beat them to the punch by dispatching a tweet that said he was ending both that advisory panel and another made up of manufacturing company leaders, many of whom were also defecting.
“I’m very young and the administration is very young,” Wohl said. “Anything can happen. Not expecting to work in the White House or the government, but if the opportunity arose, I’d absolutely look at it closely.”

Hey, you're probably saying "I can't believe that the President of the United States would take economic policy advice from a literal teenager who once literally hid from regulators and has already been banned by the NFA!" But we say "Why not? He's already taken advice from Peter Navarro!"

This 19-Year-Old Is Trump’s Latest Market Whisperer [Bloomberg]



Steve Schwarzman And Trump Have An All-Star Team Of CEOs

Never let it be said that the President-Elect doesn't enjoy name-dropping.


Hedge Fund Boy Wonder Jacob Wohl Is Going To Stop The Recount...With A GoFundMe Campaign

Everyone's favorite teenage money manager wants you to celebrate #GivingTuesday with him.

Screen Shot 2018-11-01 at 1.53.28 PM

We Went To Jacob Wohl's Most Important Press Conference Ever And It Was Everything We'd Hoped It Would Be

The youngest person to ever be banned for life from trading securities just shattered a new frontier in batshit performance art.

Larry Fink. Millennials

Larry Fink On The Trump Economy: Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em

BlackRock just did the damn thing, your turn Mr. President.


With One Tweet, Trump Justifies Jamie Dimon's Year-Long Crusade Of Unsubtle Trolling

The Khaleesi of Wall Street has gathered his armies, and the moment is upon us.


While Everyone Was Watching "Government Sachs," Steve Schwarzman Was Working Trump Like A Puppet

Blackstone will build Trump's America with a tiny $20 billion cash injection from the Saudis.