Accused Ponzi Schemer Coming To Within 1,500 Feet Of Stadium Or Arena Near You

Craig Carton’s gonna have to pay off those gambling debts somehow.
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Worthless yammerer Craig Carton is innocent. We know this because both he and his lawyer have said so on numerous occasions. The whole teaming up with a fellow, more experienced accused Ponzi schemer to run a ticket-scalping Ponzi scheme that parted a noted and celebrated hedge fund from $5 million is all just a big misunderstanding. When the facts come out, Carton assures, “you’ll see that I am not guilty of these charges.” He’ll be back, “stronger than ever.”

craig-carton-scalper

But not at 6 a.m. on New York’s WFAN. For in spite of his clear and obvious innocence, which will shortly be adjudicated by a court of law, Craig Carton will no longer pollute the airwaves with his worthless takes on the Jets.

“Unfortunately, the unfounded legal issues currently plaguing me will only be a distraction to everyone at WFAN and the show I helped build,” the statement read. “With that in mind, I have submitted my resignation to the station and they accepted….”

This turn of events means three things: First, Craig Carton is a true humanitarian, sparing the likes of Joe Benigno and his old partner Boomer Esiason from further trouble. Second, it ensures that Craig Carton’s nemesis, Mike Francesa, remains with us for all time. And third, given the alleged giant gambling debts that were behind the alleged Ponzi scheme, Craig Carton will need a new job. Luckily, he’s got that whole ticket reselling thing to fall back on, although he’s going to have to do better than taking million-dollar baths on Barbra Streisand tickets to make it work.

Craig Carton resigns from WFAN [N.Y. Post]

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