Carl Icahn Inadvertently Saves Chipotle's Trading Day By Getting A Little Carried Away Pranking Bill Ackman

In which we learn that there's a fine line between filling an office with queso and accidentally rigging a market.
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Like everyone else, we've just been sitting back and waiting for Chipotle's new big bet on queso to pay off big time! It's like the chain is resuscitating its stock price by minting its own liquid gold, but more unctuous and sticky. It's a true can't miss idea!

After eking out a nice little short-term profit on fish sticks, Bill Ackman has likely also been waiting for his queso boat to come in. He's hung in with CMG on a pretty awful year, so it feels right that The Ack-Man will have his just desserts in the form of spicy liquid cheese.

Oh, the reviews are in? Time for a victory dance!

Chipotle officially launched its queso nationwide last Tuesday after weeks of hype across social media. But following the nationwide release, customers were less than impressed and took to Twitter to vent.
"A very negative reaction to the queso launch suggests Chipotle Mexican Grill launched a product that is not meeting consumer expectations, and, as a result, missed a potentially significant opportunity to add queso as an incremental add-on," wrote Goldman Sachs analyst Karen Holthouse.

Ruh roh. If your plan to dig out from a long-term diarrhea crisis is being compared to yellow diarrhea, that's "no bueno." Man alive, CMG must be trading in the toilet and poor Bill Ackman must not be far away from said toilet.

Let's take a peek at the trading day, if we dare...

Screen Shot 2017-09-19 at 1.15.57 PM

Wait, what? How could this be? If everyone hates the queso, why did everyone just turn so bullish on Chipotle? What could have happened in the last few hours?

It's not like lines got super long in Midtown Manhattan after a sudden run on queso in all local stores. Surely trading hasn't jumped in response to rumors of anonymous online mass purchases of queso. And its hard to believe that buy orders are being screamed into cell phones by traders at lunch witnessing the bizarre image of delivery workers carrying out tubs of queso from every Chipotle location within a square mile of 57th Street and Seventh Avenue. Because how would the streets between Times Square and Central Park South run neon yellow with queso if everyone hates it so much? And why would so much of it be flowing towards 888 Seventh Avenue?

Oh, wait...we're seeing it now.

Here's the thing, Carl Icahn, if you're going to inundate Pershing Square Capital headquarters with buckets of Chipotle queso as a mean joke, you need to order like a finite amount. If you have ALL of the queso sent to Ackman's office at once, you end up breaking the demand curve. This right here is the other definition of "Queso Backfire"

These pranks are all about finesse, bro. If you press too hard, it ends up messy. This is like those oil credits all over again...

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