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If You're Looking For Bill Ackman, He's Hiding In A Dark Room, Naked And Gently Sobbing While Slathering Himself In Chipotle Queso

Just leave him alone, ok?


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So what you bought into Chipotle at like $405 a share and it's now down below $277? You are still a very special boy. At least you're the second most clicked person in the internet, right?

And, hey, there's a smidgen of a chance that no one at ADP is seeing this.



Bill Ackman's Pre-Nup With Chipotle Includes A Gag Order On Bill Ackman

The idea of "Silent Bill Ackman" is as easy to swallow as "Chill Bro Leon Cooperman."


Bill Ackman Thankful For Chipotle Burrito Bowls, Board Seat

The Ack-Man and the troubled burrito chain are finally settling for each other.


Carl Icahn Inadvertently Saves Chipotle's Trading Day By Getting A Little Carried Away Pranking Bill Ackman

In which we learn that there's a fine line between filling an office with queso and accidentally rigging a market.