Lloyd Blankfein Is Tweeting About Bitcoin, And We Know Just Who To Blame

We know what you're up to, DJ D-Sol.
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Staring out from under his Casamigos Tequila visor into the sweaty mass of writhing flesh that undulated to the command of his phat beats, the DJ couldn't help but notice the growing amount of phone screens that beamed against the already pulsing lights of the club.

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"What's with all the phones," he yelled to the stagehand while leaning back to swig on the S'well bottle filled with kombucha and vodka. "I thought my shit was tight tonight, but maybe I'm losing this crowd, yo."

"Nah, it's not that" the stagehand shouted back. "There's some legit uncut Molly out there and everyone is trying to grab some. It's mad pricey but word is you roll balls for like a full day."

"Awesome," replied the DJ, "but what's up with the phones tho?"

"Bitcoin, bruh," said the stagehand with a laugh. "It's 2017, yo! You can't get them pills without mining that Blockchain, son!"

The DJ's eyes were drawn immediately to the center of the crowd where two gorgeous young women danced with hypnotic abandon, their bodies heaving and swelling to his music. One took something furtively from her pocket and they took turns covertly raising it to their noses. They soon broke out in a blissful smile that seemed to ripple across their faces in unison. The DJ watched as they began to melt into one communal body, a mesmerizing image of youth and beauty. Soon, another beautiful girl approached them and whispered something into the ear of the first. The response came in the form of action; a phone removed from a pocket and pointed to as the blissed out smiling face of the dancing girl mouthed the word "Ethereum."

"Man my decks," yelled the DJ, surrendering his turntable-powered factory of sound to the eager stagehand. "I gotta make a call."

Once inside the relative quiet of the backstage area, the DJ tapped a familiar number into his cellphone. "Lloyd," he said to the voice on the other end. "It's D-Sol...I mean David. Listen, I've seen the future."

THE END

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