It turns out that not everyone is pleased with Carl Icahn's short-lived reign as the United States' first ever Secretary of Do Whatever The Fuck You Want.
Notably, the US Attorney in New York's Southern District seems rather "irked"...
Federal investigators have issued subpoenas for information on Carl Icahn’s efforts to change biofuel policy while serving as an informal adviser to President Donald Trump, according to regulatory filings.
The U.S. Attorney’s office for the Southern District of New York is “seeking production of information” pertaining to Icahn’s activities regarding the Renewable Fuel Standard, according to a Form 10-Q that Icahn Enterprises LP filed on Friday with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission.
Turns out that Uncle Carl furrowed a few brows at the Justice Department when it came out that he was trying to write federal energy legislation from Midtown Manhattan as part of his objectively troubling role as Donald Trump's "Regulation Czar," an appointment that always felt like naming Hannibal Lecter to run the Department of Health and Human Services.
The investigators also want information on Icahn’s role as an adviser to the president, the document says.
The SEC filing states that Carl and team are cooperating with the feds (which is funny because Carl Icahn is utterly incapable of cooperating with anyone) and that “The U.S. Attorney’s office has not made any claims or allegations against us or Mr. Icahn.” Yet.
While it does remain to be seen how this will work out in the end, we know with stone certainty that one person is winning big on the news that Carl Icahn is dealing with a DoJ subpoena.
So, enjoy this feeling, William Albert Ackman, this is the kind of uber-dark schadenfreude that you deserve after the month you've just endured. Use this, bottle it, and get back off the mat. It seems like the universe wants to keep you on your feet.