Gary Cohn Now Condescending To Donald Trump Like Lloyd Blankfein Used To Condescend To Gary Cohn

This is the best thing that has happened in a long time.
Author:
Updated:
Original:

We told you that the Goldman Sachs ethos was going to be incompatible with the bouillabaisse of personality disorders that is the Trump administration.

And now, thanks to US Senator and shade queen extraordinaire Tom Carper, we have the most stunning and vaudevillian example yet that Gary Cohn and his Goldmanites have finally taken a "Shut up Donald, the adults are talking" approach to governance.

Let's roll the tape:

While this is the kind of incident that makes us here at dealbreaker dot com giddy with snarky glee, it also provokes us to wonder why this wasn't always central to Gary's plan.

Why hasn't Gary convinced senior staff to give Trump an iPhone with no actual mobile or internet connection that only has Twitter and Fruit Ninja on it? While POTUS tweeted to no one and became addicted to his new game, Gary could have passed tax and infrastructure reform by now. Especially if he'd hired soap opera actors to pretend to be Senators and go golfing with the president. All he needed were five older white guys that he could rotate to play 100 Senators. Trump can't tell who's who.

He could have also saved himself a lot of pain by gifting Louise Linton a well-stocked Goldman brokerage account through a trust that allowed her to take full control in two years time. In order to get it though, she would have had to keep her husband away from cameras. And did Steve Mnuchin really need to know where all of those interviews were being held? Gary could have sent him and his driver to some fancy lunches in DC and Mnooks would never have batted a lazy eye. Dina Powell would have filled in nicely.

We love that Gary is using the kind of blatantly rude dismissive tactics on President Trump that were used on him inside 200 West Street for so many years, but we gotta ask: What took you so long, big guy?

Related

Cohn.Trump.Puppet

Gary Cohn Has Finally Learned How To Operate Donald Trump

Goldman's former Papa Bear has tamed POTUS with his famously soothsaying grundle.

Gary Cohn Wanderer

Donald Trump Proves Immune To Gary Cohn's Mesmeric Grundle

You shot your shot, big guy, but you never had a chance.

BlankfeinCohnSunflower

With Trump White House In Disarray, Lloyd Blankfein Looks To Refocus Gary Cohn

Once Lloyd figures out how to DM Gary, we can kiss his twitter account goodbye.

GaryCohnZoom

So, Gary Cohn, What The Actual Fuck?

You broke our cold, dark heart, Gary Cohn

Cohn.Trump.Puppet

Trump Goodbye Gary Cohn Erases All Doubt That Gary Cohn Needs To Go

TFW a wannabe Alpha tries to dunk on a real alpha and just looks crazy.

garylloyddivorce

Blankfein On Cohn: Gary's No Brainiac, But He Could Probably Run The Fed

This is the kind of shit that Taylor Swift writes songs about.

Lloyd.NightsWatch

Lloyd Blankfein Knew Trump And Gary Were Going to F@ck This Up Eventually

"I haven't felt this good since 2006," joketh Emperor Blankfein.