Call The ‘Close:’ Lol, Bitcoin Edition - Dealbreaker

Call The ‘Close:’ Lol, Bitcoin Edition

You know you want in.
Author:
Updated:
Original:

First hedge funds started getting in the crypto game. Then CME and CBOE announced bitcoin futures and Nasdaq and Cantor Fitzgerald snapped in line behind them. Goldman and JPMorgan are mulling whether to drop all pretense and launch crypto desks.

munch-scream-bitcoin2

Now, in the most definite sign of bitcoin's acceptance in the financial establishment, Dealbreaker presents: Bitcoin Call The Close.

As loyal readers know, we traditionally run a CTC contest around certain psychological plateaux in stock market indices, like Dow 20,000, or geopolitical cataclysms, like Brexit. But in the fuck-it-why-not spirit currently sweeping financial market participants who just months ago would have been aghast to countenance bitcoin with anything other than unadulterated disgust, we're eager to expand our services to Cryptostan.

(Of course there's no actual reason to choose today, Thursday, Dec. 7, 2017, for a bitcoin CTC, other than the hunch that the seven [and counting] $1,000 barriers bitcoin has blasted through over the past 24 hours represent some sort of cosmic market event, like a speculative supernova. Who cares, let's do it.)

Standard Price-is-Right rules: Winner is whoever is closest to, without going over, today’s bitcoin “close” at 4:00PM EST, as reported on GDAX*. Guesses in by 3:45PM. Winner receives choice of a vegan, artisanal, fair-trade Dealbreaker Banker Bag, or an exclusive offer to buy DealCoin** at a discount window during Dealbreaker's first-ever initial coin offering***.

*Initially this is was Coinbase, but since Coinbase shits itself any time there's a measurable uptick in trading volume, we're going with the somewhat more reliable GDAX. 

**DealCoin does not have any rights, uses, purpose, attributes, functionalities or features, express or implied, including, without limitation, any uses, purpose, attributes, functionalities or features, including necessarily ever existing at any point whatsoever.

***Dealbreaker retains the right not to actually carry out an initial coin offering, ever.

Related

munch-scream-bitcoin2

JPMorgan Twists The Knife In Bitcoin

First Jamie Dimon trashed it, now JPMorgan's top quant.

munch-scream-bitcoin2

Bitcoin Is Being Extremely Bitcoin

Welcome to the “Dan Bilzerian said what?” phase of bitcoin mania.

munch-scream-bitcoin2

If The ICO Party Comes To An End, At Least We Know Who To Blame

Turns out that if you sell $232 million in digital tokens you actually have to give people those digital tokens.

munch-scream-bitcoin2

Long Bitcoin Is The New Long Bitcoin

BAML tells us fund managers are fighting a losing battle against crypto envy.

(marolse3 via eBay.)

Call The Close: Dow 19,999.63 Edition

If the Dow hitting 20,000 is fundamentally arbitrary and meaningless then so is human existence.

munch-scream-bitcoin2

The ICO World Is Heading For A Very Hard Fork

On selling securities without selling securities.