We've been saying for awhile that this whole global dive into Bitcoin Madness™ has been full of questions yet low on answers. The most primary being, "Are there buttgasms on the Blockchain?"
Well, thanks to a collaboration between sex cam company CamSoda and sex toy maker Lovesense, the answer is very much "Oh, yessssss."
Today, CamSoda, a leading adult entertainment webcam platform, announced the launch of BitCast, a platform that allows people to track the success of the cryptocurrency investment – and get sexual pleasure from it. The platform pairs interactive sex toys for females and males with the performance of Bitcoin, Ethereum and Litecoin, increasing or decreasing the frequency of vibration based on the real-time value of the cryptocurrency. If the value of the currency goes up, the vibrating increases; and if the value goes down, the vibrating decreases.
That's right y'all, you can now feel the counter-logical fluctuations of Litecoin pricing inside you...literally. And why not let the panic of an Ethereum plummet also serve as an opportunity to edge you down from the intense Bitcoin orgasm you just had? Or, as the fine folks at CamSoda put it:
"With people constantly tracking their cryptocurrency investments, we saw an opportunity to offer them simultaneous sexual pleasure derived exclusively from price fluctuations,” said Daryn Price, VP, CamSoda. “Now, with Bitcast, our fans can hook up their favorite interactive toy and literally get pleasure from their investments. So, essentially, as the price goes up, so too do your orgasms."
While this whole thing is obviously absurd in the extreme, isn't it maybe also the most honest application of CryptoFever™ that we've seen so far? Trading a made-up currency is ludicrous and purposefully divorced from the boring parts of real markets. The whole thing is an exercise designed to make your crotch tingle, so why not use it to actually make your crotch tingle?
And before you Bitcoin zealots start mocking these people for jumping into something they don't understand (irony much?) maybe take a look at their resume before you judge to harshly...
This is not CamSoda’s first venture in interactive sex toys. Previously, the adult entertainment platform launched on-demand marketplaces that offers users a catalog of simulated blowjobs and virtual cunnilingus from renowned webcam models and amateurs, which many dubbed the “iTunes of Blowjobs” and “iTunes of Cunnilingus,” respectively.
We're dealing with the Apple of erotic loneliness here. Mock accordingly.