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President Trump Calls Market Moves With The Skill You'd Expect From An Oft-Bankrupted Contractor

You're never getting paid back, Deutsche Bank.

Okay, now it's really time for Gary Cohn to quit in disgrace.

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and then...

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But this will only get funnier. We guarantee that like any septuagenarian with a handful of bankruptcies in his past and an utterly vague understanding of finance in his grasp, Trump will soon be tweeting that all his friends benefitting from his awesome tax cuts should plow some of that money into bitcoin.

And wait until Wilbur Ross tells him that you can pay for call girls with cryptos.



The Stock Market Is Just "Taking A Little Pause," Says The Actual President Of The United States Of America

The primary mechanism through which capital flows in our economy just needs a little time-out, you guys, says a man who quotes Wells Fargo on purpose.


American President Makes Strong Bid For Nobel Prize In Economics

Donald Trump is basically Milton Friedman, if Milton Friedman boned aging porn stars and knew jackshit about markets.


Market Calls Trump's Auto Tariff Bluff

"We've seen this move" yawns an exhausted America.

(Trump image courtesy Flickr user Gage Skidmore)

White House Now Offering Sweet 2-For-1 Deal On Intractable Trade Wars Just In Time For Summer

With China willing to burn it all down, is this not a perfect time to f*ck with Mexico?


Larry Kudlow Explains To CNBC That Trump's Comments On The Fed Are Totally Fine If You Just Ignore Them Like Larry Does

"Listen, Jimmy and Carl, you just put your fingers in your earholes like so, and then hum really loud until your brain fills with sound..."