We love breathless Business Insider wealth proclamations as much as the next horned-up Millennial capitalist, so you can imagine imagine our turgid response to the news that the internet era's two biggest mutant Abercrombie mega-losers have finally found redemption in the stupidest of places:
Bitcoin is back to its winning ways, posting a record high on Sunday and making billionaires of the twins Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss.
YES! Suck it Zuckerberg, the Winklevii are making bank a different thing they probably don't understand!
Buuuuuut we can't help overlook something of a fatal flaw in this reporting:
Investors are being drawn in by the promise of big gains. The Telegraph reported over the weekend that the Winklevoss twins, known for suing Mark Zuckerberg saying he stole the idea for Facebook from them, had become the world's first bitcoin billionaires.
The two former Olympic rowers disclosed in 2013 that they owned $11 million worth of bitcoin. The cryptocurrency's meteoric rise since then — it has risen by over 1,000% this year — has propelled that investment to over $1 billion, according to The Telegraph. The Winklevoss twins are long-time bitcoin bulls and are also investors in the crypto exchange Gemini.
Here's the thing: Despite being farcically symbiotic, the Winklevii are - by every significant definition - two people. It's kind of of like science. And insofar as being a billionaire requires one person to possess $1 billion, we are sorry to infer "they" are not billionaires.
What the Winklevii is are two people now holding just over $1 billion worth of bitcoin, and that's fantastic. Because when has financial joy ever turned to ashes in the mouths of the Winklevoss twins?